Having to learn new words that come with death is something I didn’t expect. “Interment” instead of burying is one, and it’s very confusing that they don’t use plain terminology on cremation and funeral websites.
Today we are burying Mum’s ashes, 5 months after she died. I’m a bit odd, in that leading up to the big day (both this and her funeral, and that of my my stepdad the week before) I was a complete wreck. From experience, I know tomorrow I will also be a wreck. But on the day, I just feel numb. Maybe it’s adrenaline? I’m going to try and say a little speech today. Not sure if it will happen. There is no set procedure for days like this.
The last couple of weeks I’ve been a sobbing mess, but today I just feel numb + nervous, but not sad. The grief rollercoaster is very weird. Big hugs to you all x
Gib, I know exactly how you feel, I was the same. When we scattered my soulmates ashes I was fine but then when we was on the way home I just fell a part and the following day I was just the same. I think your brain goes into some kind of close down and then when it turns on again, you fall apart.
I do hope you get through today and I shall be thinking of you tomorrow.
Yes, there are lots of different things to learn about death and how to fill in forms is another mine field.
Take care. S xx
Thank you for your kind words Susie. I’m reassured it’s not just me. Others around me seem to show grief on the ‘correct’ days, whereas mine is all over the place, and sneaks in and out without warning.
I did manage to say my prepared poem, mainly because of the numbness, and the day went as expected.
The worse snippets of grief is when my brain suddenly imagines mum walking through my front door, as we often just arrived without warning in my family for unexpected visits because we were all just 2 roads away from each other. My subconscious brain is reaching out for that closeness it’s used to, like a child that just cannot comprehend. I guess this the type of thing that we have to learn to live with. X
Gib, I am afraid you are correct, we have to learn to live with it but it does get easier because our brains learn to accept the pain. Our loved ones never leave us, they are part of us, woven into our lives so they will always be there. Life goes on whenever we want and other things take over but it takes time. Small baby steps and you will feel better, in time. S xx