Ashes

Just got my husbands ashes. Feel so lost and weird. I know what im doing with them but until that happens i dont know where to put them in house. It doesnt feel real, like really is him in there.

1 Like

Hi Julie
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and I know how you feel, having lost mine three months ago. In our case, the undertaker held the ashes for me until the burial but I suppose if you have already got them, that option might be too late for you. You could always ask them now if they would hold them for you.
I have been thinking about what you could do if that doesn’t work. If he had a study/office in the house, perhaps you could put them in there. Or maybe on the bedside table on his side of the bed. My friend keeps her late husband’s ashes on a small table in the sitting room where she has also placed his hat (he was a ship’s captain) and other items of his, along with a nice photo.
I think the main thing is to put them somewhere in the house he was happy to be in when he was alive.
I hope this helps, but if not, there are lots of other people on here who may have some good ideas.
Please don’t let it worry you. Your husband wouldn’t want that and if he was anything like my late husband, he wouldn’t mind anyway.
Hugs, Ann

1 Like

Hello, Julie.
I am so sorry for your anguish. I buckled at the knees and was suddenly overcome by tears when I was handed the bag with my husband’s ashes. When I was brought back home by my cousin who was my only support, we opened the box and put on the disc of his funeral music. Since then, most of him has not been moved from the sitting room. The bag containing the box of ashes is on the floor beside his music stand on which rests his flute and the last piece of music he was playing. Also in that bag there are some little boxes filled with ashes destined to travel. Some are already way up Ben Nevis, taking by his best friend from before we were married. They used to go climbing and skiing there. Some are in our rose garden, which he created for our Golden Wedding anniversary and some are in our village memorial garden, for which he made the cross. When all the destinations are covered, the rest will stay here waiting for me to join him and then we can be scattered together or interred, whatever best suits those remaining.
You say you know what you are going to do with your husband’s ashes so until that time comes, whatever is most comfortable for you, would be the best place for them. My Mum and Dad are still in the wardrobe and will remain there until they are either scattered or interred together, again, whatever is best for those remaining after I am gone.
God bless you in your sorrow and help you to bear it.

Hello Prof,
I just had to say I think your ideas are wonderful! I especially loved the Ben Nevis bit! Your husband sounds like a wonderful and talented man.
This is a very sad road we all travel but I think you have done your husband proud!
Hugs, Ann

Hello Juliep88,
I totally understand what you are feeling.
Even though it is six years since my beloved husband died, I too remember when our son brought home his dad’s ashes. He handed them to me and said, here you are mum, dad’s home. What was so weird is that we have had a grandmother clock for about 20 years and when Peter died the clock stopped working. I wound it up, nothing happened, I left it alone nothing happened. I decided after Peter’s funeral I would take it to a clock maker. About five days after Peter’s funeral our son brought Peter’s ashes home. Peter loved to sit in the chair next to the fireplace where he could see out of the front window. Behind the chair where Peter used to sit was a display cabinet so we decided that putting Peter’s ashes in the cabinet would be the best place for them as they would be facing the window. When I got up the next morning, the grandmother clock was working again. I decided that Peter was now home again and his ashes would stay there until they joined mine when it was my time to go. I feel as if Peter is with me every day and I know I have made the right decision by keeping them in the home he loved with all his heart.
People have their own thoughts on what to do with a loved ones ashes but it was when the grandmother clock started working again when Peter’s ashes came home that made the decision for me. I say goodnight love to him every night and good morning love when I come into the room.
My life is not the life I thought I would end up with. I never thought for one minute that I would be alone (silly really), but it is a life I have got used to. I do live in the past a lot but all in all I am okay because I can’t change anything so just get on with living day to day.
Love to you .

Sheila.x

3 Likes

Sorry for your loss my partners ashes are here a lt home he is on floor in front fireplace i find it weird just a wooden box all i see he will be here til we do the internment whenever that will be x

Dear Julie
It is a difficult one!
When I brought Jack’s ashes home the idea was that the kids would have a little urn with his ashes and there was the larger urn that now stays in my living room where I have many family pictures.
Most days I place the urn on the table and light candles close to it.
Now I think I will keep the urn and then when my time comes we will be put together
Take care
Sadie x

1 Like

I collected my husbands ashes last Monday ( funeral was 15 October 2020 ) and I felt sooooooo relieved to get him safely home after the awful experience I have had so far.

I got a lovely surprise today as the willow ashes casket, which is a mini replica of the willow casket I affectionately called the M-O-N-T-Y D-O-N arrived this morning. I haven’t decanted the love of my life in there just yet but the vigil has started with candles burning either side and I will add him to the mini Monty Don willow sometime soon.

I am ordering another bookcase so he can have his own shelf and be willow on oak so I suppose there is no rush to add him to his new basket just yet. It is just good to know he is home safe with me again and just short of in his resting place and that we finally both have peace at long last :dove:

2 Likes

That sounds absolutely beautiful. Well done!

T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U AnnR . . . It is and I am really pleased at the comfort it has brought me in enforced solo-isolation after the Limo driver from my husband’s funeral tested positive for COVID !

Photo attached . . . Hopefully !

3 Likes

That is so lovely. Well done.
I couldn’t believe your luck with the Limo driver. Hope you are ok.

love Ann x

Thats very unique never seen anything like it beautiful xx

Thanks Ann . . . I am as well as I can be . . . The whole fiarce ( cross between a fiasco and a farce ) that has happened since my husband’s death has been like a Carry On Film but my husband loved those so will be laughing wherever he is !

It will make a great book and film someday but has most definitely tested my resilience . . . at least I am still here and still fighting my way through the T-R-E-A-C-L-E of G-R-I-E-F !

Thank you Fg15 . . . It is a mini replica of his M-A-G-N-I-F-I-C-E-N-T willow coffin . . . He loved nature and would have loved both,

I have attached my favourite photo of the Willow coffin below . . . It truly was everything I hoped it would be and was a fitting tribute for a gardener, hence the trowel flower arrangement I made x

3 Likes

My Daves ashes are in our bedroom next to our bed n every nigh I sit and say goodnight x. Next year in June would of been his 60th birthday and we had all sorts planned xx it was my 50th in March and we had booked a holiday to Cape Verde but COVID put a stop to that as it has to many other things! We own a VW van and last year went to Camper Jam and it was fab , we had a blast and the Queen tribute band we both loved ( our pic is of that night as you had to dress up in rock clothes lol) xx well next year on his birthday ( god willing) me and a few close friends are holding Trappy Jam and a will scatter some of his ashes in one of his favourite places ( still to be confirmed) then as we will be camping we will sit around a fire listen to some music and be reminiscing about all the antics my lovely hubby got up too!! :heart::broken_heart:

Firstly, I am so sorry you no longer have your husband.
Secondly, I just wanted to say that I have never in my life seen such a beautiful send-off. That is absolutely gorgeous. Wow. you did him proud!
I would have loved to have done something like that for my lovely husband, but he was adamant he wanted the simplest cremation ever so we honoured that. It was still a beautiful service though and his ashes were buried with his grandparents, which is what he wanted. I shall end up there with him one day.
Ann

Thank you Ann for both your condolences and also your lovely comments about my husbands send-off. I was pleased with it, when we eventually got there and have just had a new Moroccan style tea-light holder delivered, which now sits next to his willow ashes casket, so I feel he has got his perfect resting place and shining light :candle:

That must be a great comfort knowing your husband is safely with his grandparents and that you will be with him again one day. I had wanted to scatter my husbands ashes at his Beloved Leeds United but they no longer allow that, so I did the next best thing and got him a memorial stone in their Centenary Square, so I ( and his fellow Leeds supporter friends ) have somewhere to visit when we are in Leeds and he will have a lasting presence at Elland Road, which he would love. The bonus is I still get to have him with me in a perfect mini willow casket :two_hearts:

It is really interesting to hear how people remember their loved ones and what they do with their ashes . . . I will take part of the ashes with me, if I ever get to return to Italy as a few weeks before he died he fondly talked of our first holiday and the pontoon we used to sit on for pre-dinner drinks . . . I think that will be a fitting place to scatter some of his ashes and remember our special time together . . . He can then be with my dad who I left in Italy.

Sally x

@Juliep88 there is no rush to do anything with them for now, just to have them nearby will be a comfort… My dad wasn’t green fingered but he loved the lily plants that him & my mum planted in pots in their garden, so mum decided that she was going to put some of ashes into 2 of the pots so she could keep 1 & give the other to me to put in my back yard. We also put a small amount in necklaces, so that he was close by to us.
It’s whatever feels right for you & your loved ones x

Reading all the comments my daughter came back with my husbands ashes and said the same words to me dad’s home. We didn’t know what to do with him but eventually put him on fire place candles etc but it began to look like a shrine which he definitely wouldn’t have liked.We do have plans for him but at moment he’s still were we put him unsure if this makes visitors uncomfortable don’t really know what we’re doing and he would have made all sorts of comments he was the voice of reason just don’t know what he would be wanted didn’t have time to ask him never discussed it now wish we had.

My partner was 42 we never discussed anything either i think he would have preffered to be buried but no room so his ashes are going in a family plot his nan and grandad already in there and they pretty much brought him up didnt know what else to do really dont know what he would have thought he home with me and our daughter in his casket in front of fire i know thats all thats left of him but i fnd it strange i just see a wooden box and dont feel anything at all to me he is in heaven now dont know if anyone else feels like this on here or just me x

Back to top