We are picking up my dads ashes tomorrow. My mum would like to put them in my grandad and grandmas grave but she’s been told it’s £600 to do this. So she wants my cousin to go to cemetery and put them in himself because he did that with my uncle and auntieS ashes in their parents graves. Mum said he needs to do it quietly as it’s not allowed so he’ll just do it with my 1 brother. I had a vision of us all being there scattering his ashes and feel like I never have a say in anything. I know I can go anytime to the grave to visit him with my grown up kids too but for £600 I would have just paid it!! I know it’s her husband so her wishes but don’t know whether to say well I want to go too as it seems so cold or go along with it and keep the peace!

Hi @Penny7, I am sorry you are having this trouble but @Lonelyis right if they find out it could be worse for you. When my husband died his mum wanted to scatter the ashes on his Dads stone. She phoned up the crematorium and it wasn’t allowed but I gave her half and we just went up a quiet Sunday and scattered them on the grass behind his stone but I also took my half to our favourite place and I scattered them into the water with one of the wreaths. Can you maybe take half and if dad had a favourite place you could all go there and have the family all together as you say your farewells. I really hope you get it sorted with everyone happy. Sending hugs. X

Hi Penny. I had my husbands ashes put in the grave with his grandparents. I contacted the local Bereavement Services and it was done for me at a cost of £80. I was also quoted around £600 but this was to purchase the grave as it had never been done before by any of the family and because of this I am not allowed to put a plaque or gravestone. Double check what you have been told. The Funeral Directors came with the ashes and placed them in the grave and the Bereavement Services took up a layer of ground and then replaced it with new turf.
Good luck