So today my gorgeous Bry is back home where he belongs . It felt nice but at the same time horrendous thinking how can he be just ash?!?
I’ve kissed him & talked to him & now they are in our bedroom.
I’m not sure I’ve had any specific signs . Maybe I’m looking for too much to e talking myself out of it.
I am really hoping now he’s home I will maybe get something stronger
I did have a dream the other night , but in that dream he didn’t quite look like , Bry, was a slightly younger version too but I knew it was him
He was not nice to me in the dream which made me sad because he was the kindest man and would do anything to make me happy. It made me feel that wherever he is now , he’s angry about it. To be honest I’ve said all along, he won’t be at peace because he will be heartbroken he’s not with us so maybe that’s what the dream was telling me - who knows ……
Although I’m functioning a little better ( 8 weeks today) and even cooked for the first time yesterday. The days seem to be getting longer & harder and I’m still only getting through by thinking (hoping) that tomorrow could be my day xxx
Personally, I hope tomorrow isn’t your day, or the next or the one after that either. You sound like you are taking small but positive steps and whilst I don’t hold too much stock in dreams and their meanings I cannot imagine that he would want you thinking that tomorrow could be your day. I really hope you are able to get the help & support you need to continue walking this path of grief that we’re all on. I hope I haven’t caused offense but maybe, one day, in the not too distant future your wound of loss will start healing and you will look back and realise that you are slowly finding some peace and new purpose in your life. Best wishes.
@PollyjaneW Glad he’s home. My mum was pleased when my Dad came home as he was home for good. She tells him if she’s going out & when she’s back. As for the dreams, my brother has ones where Dad is much younger & in one, he came in thru the back door & said: I’m back now. Think of the personality he was, not how he is now. Our loved ones are more than that. Xx
My husband’s ashes are in a green box in a green paper carrier bag on the sideboard out of my line of vision. I can’t even look at the bag, let alone unpack it or touch it. I did briefly feel it’s weight when we fetched it, quite heavy, so my friend carried it for me. It’s not spoiling so I’m not going to worry about it. It’s not going anywhere. I’ll look when I’m ready.
My darling husband is at home with me too. It feels completely right. Home was his/our favourite place. So why would I want him anywhere else.
He’s in his green box in our sideboard which is in our front room, by the front door. (Our front door opens straight into our front room)
I say good morning and good night everyday, and tap the top of the sideboard when I leave the house, and when I come back in again.
Your right about the box being heavy too. My Phil was very poorly when he died, and losing weight all the time.
I even ‘joked’ that he weighed more dead than alive.
Brys on the cupboard next to our bed . My dads on the other cupboard
You are right , it doesn’t scare me , just saddens me even though it feels right he’s home where he belongs & that’s where he will stay until it’s my turn to join him xxxx
I picked up my mums ashes yesterday and was well shocked at how heavy they were!
On my way to my Grans I kept saying “goodness mum you’re heavy”
I thought I’d freak when I got round to picking them up but I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would.
If anything I’m glad I’ve taken her away from the funeral home finally, it’s taken me over a month to pick them up.
I have Steve’s ashes in the house, cried all the way back from collecting him. My family we are planning a trip to have his ashes scattered in the ocean per his request.
Jess i was exactly the same as you and i said that very thing - my husband’s brother came with me and as directors not far away he carried them home for me but i was relieved he was back at home too :). .xx
Aw thats nice … my husband wanted his near his dads ashes - still at home too as cant face all that yet ! A man i know who lost his oartner 10 years ago said it took him 6 years before he took his partners to the sea also … xx
@PollyjaneW
On Saturday May 13th it was my darling Dads 84th birthday so my mum and I planned a special day for him. He loved to be at home, we fulfilled his wishes to die at home and he is now back in his happy place.
We chose a beautiful pot, a lovely shrub, I had plaques made for Mum, my son, my daughter & myself (i planted 3 more special pots with his favourite flowers (fuschia & forget-me-nots) with a little bit of Dad in each one. I found the most perfect birthday card for my Dad which said every single thing that I wanted to say to him so I read it out. 10 close family & friends came to my parents house and put a handful of ashes into Dads memory pot and then mum and I planted his shrub. We then all walked up to the local pub and had fish & chips and half a beer shandy (dads favourite) in his memory.
My reason for telling you all this is because I couldn’t get my head around my dear Dad being in a box, every time I go to see my Mum (every day) I kiss my fingers and place it on my Dads box and chat to him, I miss him so much. My memories of a wonderful childhood and having a fantastic relationship with my Dad will always be in my heart and my mind, but I was struggling with the little box with my Dad in it.
I feel like my Dad is free now, he is in his happy place and I know that being in his own garden is where he would rest in peace.
My father passed on 1st October last year but there is no time restrictions, you will know when you are ready to do something with them, if ever. But there is no right or wrong.
Sending all my love and sincere condolences to you.
Love Teresa
Thank you @AngelinaH - they do actually. I wasn’t sure how i was going to feel at first, kind of splitting my Dad up, if you like. But I love having him in my garden too, it does make me feel close to him. Thank you xx
Yesterday my beautiful Karen came home. I met with my kids and we socialised for a few hours. Yesterday was a good day!
But…today feels like the worst day of my life. I keep staring at the pot of ashes on the shelf and my eyes are red and sore with crying. Today is not a good day.
I love Karen with all my heart and miss her even more.
I still have my husband’s ashes next to the settee he always sat on. I pat the box every morning and nightly to tell him how much I miss him. I’m 18 months in and still find it surreal, it’s a lonely old world without them. Think we all get where your coming from, we are all just at different stages of this bloody nightmare they call grief . Just listening to music helps me until a song we both loved comes on then it hits you again. Take care of yourself
Dear Teresa
That’s lovely you found the right way for you and your family.
I’m pleased for you all
But as you rightly say it’s a very very personal choice .
For me I will always want my husband at home with me in his favourite place.
And then when I go, it will be in my will for us to be put together
I’m exactly the same and I have left instructions that our ashes will be buried together. I totally understand that we are all different, however, I could never part with his ashes at any time as they give me comfort knowing he’s back home now:two_hearts:
xx
. Just listening to music helps me until a song we both loved comes on then it hits you again. Take care of yourself 