Oh my I’m so sad, I picked up my husband’s ashes today and I feel so heartbroken, I’m sat on the sofa hugging them, is this normal? It’s our wedding anniversary tomorrow too so double whammy. 
xxx
3 Likes
I am so sorry. Doubly sad. It probably is normal. Whatever is normal for you. I decided to have my husbands ashes interred in a woodland setting. Not happened yet. Apparently the ground is too hard. I really think we shouldn’t be bothered by “normal”.
1 Like
Yes, very normal. I thought I would be ok picking them up but I went to pieces. It was another confirmation that he definitely wasn’t coming home. I sat in the car and sobbed.
2 Likes
@Jackiepadders
I feel so sad for you. It is perfectly normal , whatever brings you comfort is normal.
I hope you are not alone tomorrow on your anniversary. The first of everything is so hard without our loved ones.
Sending you a hug xxx
2 Likes
When I picked up my wife’s ashes I took her to the pub across the road for one last drink together, whatever feels right for you is normal
2 Likes
I did the same with my wife last week, cradled them in my arms and couldn’t stop crying.
1 Like
I don’t think there is a ‘normal’! Just do what’s right for you. I have my husbands ashes in our display cabinet in our living room. Don’t care what anyone else thinks! I want him here with me and that’s where he’s staying.
3 Likes
There is no normal just what feels right for you, it was over 2 years before I could lay my Lesley’s ashes into her family plot. The funeral director was so understanding as she let me place the casket into the ground, Lesley passed in my arms so it felt right that it was me that laid her to rest. We must all give ourselves time, there is no magic solution to grief and loneliness, the loss of a soulmate is incredibly hard. Just keep sharing our thoughts and feelings with others on the same journey. Unfortunately we all put on fronts and when asked just say we are doing fine because to say how we really are feeling is too hard. Here we can say how it really is knowing that our online friends totally understand and share our pain. Hugs to you all.
1 Like
My love’s ashes are (for the time being) in their box, sitting on his pillow on his side of our bed. Some may find it morbid but for me it brings comfort and a sense of him being back where he belongs. He passed away in hospital just over four months ago.
Eventually, if and when I feel the time is right, I’ll have him placed in the rose garden at our small local cemetery, with allowance for me to join him when my time comes.
Sending caring thoughts to all on this saddest of journeys xx
@Ava3
I think it’s nice that you do that. There is no right or wrong, whatever brings you comfort.
My cousin had some of her husbands ashes put into a necklace, gave some to her daughter and kept the rest in her lounge in an urn so he could be with her in the evenings and watch the t.v. with her. Many a time I went round and the urn was next to where I sat and I spoke to him myself.
Sadly my cousin passed away during Covid. Her daughter doesn’t keep in touch and I often wondered what happened to his ashes.
Take care xx
1 Like
Hope you feel a little better. I pivked up my wifes ashes and sat with them in my arms and cried cried cried.
I have them on the dressing table in our bedroom. I feel the vlosest to my wife in our bedroom where she passed in my arms. I am saving her ashes to mix with mine and be spread together. I hope she comes for me soon.
3 Likes
Thankyou @Alir, you’re right, we each have to do whatever brings us some comfort. I also like your cousin’s idea to have him in the loungeroom to be with her while she watched TV (and for her and others to have a chat with him).
So sorry that she passed away during Covid, which was a terrible isolating experience for all affected. Hopefully your cousin’s daughter was in some way able to reunite her and her husband via their ashes xx
My husband said I had to keep him till I go so we could be scattered to together (he wasn’t allowed to keep me if I went first I want to be free) I always said I couldn’t have him in the house he’d stay in the shed. But how wrong he’s in the bedroom whatever works for you. I’m 44 so he could have been in the shed some years and the thought of him getting cold or damp didn’t sit well with me
2 Likes
44 is so young, Sah28. I’m really sorry for your loss. So much nicer to have him inside with you xx
My wife’s ashes were held at the funeral director’s for a few months. This was because I knew if I’d brought them home I wouldn’t be able to let them go. When I collected them, I carried them up to the sea front where we used to walk. I took them for a drive around town, where we’d shop. I knew I couldn’t keep them because I needed to fulfill my wife’s wishes. The months wait was because I wanted the weather conditions and time of year to be right for what was going to follow. I kept them at home, on her bedside cabinet for two nights. Then, the next day, myself, our three boys, family and a couple of special friends of my wife, went to a protected nature reserve and an area that had been designated for reforesting. As per my wife’s wishes, a beautiful tree was planted that day and I poured her ashes around the root ball. We had a little ceremony and a plaque in her name has been placed by the tree. I now get a huge amount of comfort from visiting that beautiful English Oak Tree. My wife’s ashes will gradually be absorbed into the roots over time. She will literally become part of that tree. She loved nature and wildlife. Now, even in death she is helping nature and the knock on effect for wildlife will go on forever. I appreciate everyone is different, but for me that beautiful, peaceful, woodland area is so much nicer than a graveyard or cemetery.
2 Likes
How lovely. I’m sure she would be very proud of you. My husband never said when he wanted me to do with his ashes so I’m keeping them until I go. Then we can go together! X
I hope to move south near my younger daughter and grandchildren so will be taking my husband 's ashes with me and looking for a place that I can spread his ashes and I can visit him also. I am glad for this online community as in real life people near me do not show their true feelings and I am sad and miss my husband very much he passed away just before Christmas 2002 short illness hidden lymphoma was a shock because before the cancer he was never ill. It is not acceptable to be upset and misable in public
1 Like
I dug my own grave a few months ago. I reserved the spot next to my wife’s. I dug the hole and the forestry guys from the Life for a Life Memorial people planted the tree and I filled in the soil. When my time comes, the ground will be dug out a little and my ashes will be scattered in there. A lovely place for our boys to visit and hopefully grand children too. Mum and Dad’s trees side by side. Instead of my wife and I holding hands, we can hold roots! Also, I’ve learned that Oak trees “share” water. A team again 
6 Likes
@Mike7 How beautiful. We wish our ashes to be together when I eventually pass but we hadn’t considered where we’d both like to be afterwards. Guess I may have some time to think about that, just so long as we’re together.
1 Like
