Ashes

My partner died March 2023. We didn’t have children we just had each other. We didn’t really have any friends because I cared for him for 10 years. He had two sisters who don’t really have much to do with me now. We are going on Thursday to scatter his ashes at the seaside which meant so much to him. Part of me wants to do it because I know it’s what he wants but the rest doesn’t because it’s so final. How can I say goodbye? I feel like just staying in bed. I can’t stop crying when I think about it

@Mini1 I’m sorry that you’re going through this and having troubling thoughts about letting go of his ashes. It has been a long time for you, waiting for this to be done. I have an idea of how you are feeling as I collected My Steve’s ashes 4 weeks ago and have kept them with me. I realise that his family will probably want to do something with them, but I am dreading the day that they ask for them. It feels like the final time we will say goodbye, and then what? Perhaps once you have scattered them you will be able to make plans to visit the beach, so that you can feel close to him again? That’s what I’m hoping for.
Thinking of you on Thursday. Try to imagine him being at rest in a place he loved.

SadGirlfriend. Thank you. I have used some of them to put under a rose in a pot in the garden. I sit outside in the evening and talk to him about the day. Evenings are horrible being on my own. I even sit outside in the rain.

At least you will still have some with you. Steve’s oldest friend wanted some but his brother vetoed it, saying they mustn’t be split.
This lonely new life is horrid. I’ve planned to see a friend tomorrow afternoon, then I have absolutely nothing in my calendar to look forward to. I know that I will do things, but the months stretch out before us, don’t they? I can’t imagine what’s next for me.

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I asked when he was cremated if I could have some separate. My diary is empty as well except for a Sunday morning when I go to church. I never used to go but the people are friendly and it makes me get up one day a week. It’s coming back to an empty house that I just can’t get used to.