At a complete lose..

For over 25 years a very good friend and I have shared a home, we were not a couple , we just had a very good relationship . I am 69 and he was 67 we were about to move closer to his family , I have no family left ,so he was my “brother”.Every thing was looking great, then I awoke to hear him calling my name, I found him suffering deep chest pains.
He died two hours later in hospital , and it hurts that I wasnt able to say goodbye to him. The neighbours keep themselves to themselves, it was two weeks before any one noticed that they did not see him and his family and main friends all live over 200 miles away, .Its only been 5 weeks I have never felt so alone , and so scared in my life, I cannot remembering crying as much as I am… I turn to his chair to say something and he isnt there.I need to move ,the house is too big for me ,I cannot bring myself to go to room and start to sort his stuff out. I really miss having someone to talk to ,hate being in the house on my own.

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You must be struggling so much.
You can book Bereavement counselling on this website - I did and it really helped

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Dear Biffo

I lost my husband in September. Married over 38 years and together 42. Following his death I was so scared and frightened. I still am but perhaps not as much but now I am on my own it is the realisation that there is no one there to give the reassurance you want or need. The neighbours, like yours, haven’t really bothered so I know if anything were to happen I cannot count on them. Our son lives two miles away but has his own family. I can sit for hours with no one to talk to no one to share the little things with.

I am so sorry that you - iike myself - were unable to say goodbye to your good friend. It is something that I struggle with every day. I would do anything to have one last time with my husband tell him how much he meant to me and the family and especially to wait for me.

Take care. Five weeks is very early in this journey and you are probably still in shock. Just take your time, including decisions regarding the house or sorting stuff out. There really is no rush.

I am so sorry to hear of your lose. I find that I go into my friends room and talk to him.
I very rarely leave his room dried eyed. The fact I wasnt able to say goodbye is the first thing to hit hard. I have very good memories of him and his life, but there is no-one to talk to about him. I also found that I had to tell his family and friends, then found I had to contact all the utilities ,banks and every thing else I found I could not grieve because of all these forms and couldnt do the forms because of trying to grieve,so now the grieving hits.

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Thank you ClaireT79, I will give that serious thought.