I lost my lovely mum nearly eight months ago, unexpectedly after a short illness. I have a close family and we talk to each other most days and see each other weekly as we all work. So I know how very lucky I am to have that. I have occasionally read the posts on this thread to try to make sense of my journey. I’m struck by how kind and supportive everyone is here. I’m up and down. I have bad weeks and then occasional better weeks. I have a cry most days but not everyday: Just want to send support to everyone out there going through this too take care of yourself as best as you can. Xxxx
Hugs to you, time i dont think makes it easier we still long for and miss whats gone.
And mum is mum and thats on different level.
I also miss the times shared and feels like a big void and time defo stood still. Xx
You will get through it. What I dreaded became a celebration of my Mum’s life as I put my heart and soul into preparing it for my Mum. I just thought that she was there beside me in spirit and that really helped me. You will make your Mum proud.
well they say the five stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
they dont mention the tears, waking up sobbing , the dreams, the giult, feeling apart from everything, constantly feeling something is wrong.
Next month it will be two years too long to tell anyone , I should be “over it “ by now, shouldnt I?
I’m sorry you are going through this. I don’t think there’s a time limit on grief. Hopefully, it will become less painful and easier to live with but you are grieving and it takes as long as you need it to. We are all individuals and grieve at our own pace. That’s fine. Whilst those that haven’t experienced losing someone they love may not understand - all of us here do. Sending you strength and understanding x
Hi olive,
How are you doing,
I as ithers have said there is no time limit on this, our parents are the only person we have known since birth the years together cannot be taken away im starting to think grief and crying is just a form of love, but we cannot put this anywhere or share as they are now gone. Some days are better than others, i find myself feeling guilty when i am finding happiness, then i think my mum would want mw to be happy but its not easy to balance this, and it hits you all over again.
My mums funeral was lovely small and very personal and just having mum there in front of me the realisation hit like a brick, i nealry crumbled but i knew i had to be strong, now i feel like im in self preservation mode.
Someone said just be kind on yourself. Think thats the best advice as we do punish ourselves. Xx
Hi Olive - its good to hear from you, Ive been thinking about you
Its such a tough road, and I think we all know on this site there is no timeline for grief, so please dont judge yourself or let anyone else do so either about where you should be right now. In fact, why WOULD you be “over it” after 2 years - its your Mum! Its almost 2.5 years now for me, and I still struggle every day. And I know many others at the same stage who are finding it just as difficult. Ive come to think that “acceptance” isn’t about accepting theyre gone, for me i think its going to be about accepting this pain is part of my life now, and learning how to continue to function while carrying this pain. Maybe it will lessen over time - i have friends at the 3-4 year mark who seem to have moved out of the very intense grief, but we’re all different. And of course my Mum lost her parents and her husband and continued to raise her family and have a happy life, so it must be possible. I wish I had asked Mum more about how she coped with it all, so she could have imparted some motherly wisdom to me, but it doesnt tend to be something we talk about is it?
Sending you many hugs today Olive - be kind to yourself
Struggling right now, but wanted to send you hugs and love. And there are no shoulds, there is no set timeline even if the world around us imagines there is!
It’s been just over 3 yrs for me and there’s no way I am over it. To be honest I don’t want to ever be over it.
As far as acceptance is concerned I feel I have accepted that I am now living in a new life. Also acceptance that mum is still with me but in a different dimension. One I can’t see but I can definitely feel her presence. I sense her willing me on with all my life decisions. From simple things sometimes like getting out of bed and getting through the day to major things that happen in my life. I hang on to the fact that I believe she is alongside me always. It helps me carry on. Maybe just for the moment but it’s all about putting helpful things in place to help me get through all sorts of situations. It’s still very tough though.
I think very often we forget that it’s still early days for us. It’s still raw. It’s still a lonely , unknown and upsetting time for us. The grief journey keeps throwing all sorts of emotions at us and we dont just go through them once but over and over again. Painful is not the word for what we are experiencing and after 3 yrs I can honestly say this site has been a lifeline for me. Sharing is caring as the saying goes. And it’s so true. I think over the years I have heard that saying so many times without really understanding that one day I would share so much with you all and have people who truly cared to support me.
If some people in your life feel you should be over it Olive please ignore any comments. No one truly understands this journey until they go through it and even then grief is different for all of us. There are no time frames in all this.
Carry on being you. Only you know what works for you. Small steps every day and we are here to always support you.
Hi all. I’m just 3 months in since losing my mum. Every day is a struggle at the moment but today I feel like my heart is breaking in 2. Any words of encouragement that it gets easier would be greatly appreciated. I don’t think I can bear this pain forever. I’m not a mum myself unfortunately and am single so it’s not like I’ve had other people to focus on today. I just miss her so much.
I thought I’d share some things that are helping me to understand this grief process from my counselling sessions as it might help others. I cry throughout my sessions and felt like I was going backwards as a few days after each session I trigger alot and then I’m numb and function again. My counsellor said that there are common elements in grieving but everyone is individual. People can oscillate between emotion and function when grieving. I struggle to accept a future without mum. She said that acceptance might be accepting how I am feeling. I found that reassuring as accepting a life without mum is just is too difficult. I think that the pain of grief comes from the deep love that we felt. We have known our mums our whole lives and those memories and the relationship we had we will keep forever. I feel my Mum’s presence with me and that brings me comfort.
Hi bach
Firstly sorry for your loss, im also at the same time as you, and all i can say its a very tough journey, and will.make you feel.every emotions possible, from sadness, fear, anger, and then guilty for being a little happy, this spiral.is awful but all i will.say is be ge tle with yourself, there is no time frame, to get over it, and far to soon to even accept it, i found this group and its helping as were all.going through loss of some.sort, and mothers day is particularly hard, when we are mums are gone kknda hits hard. Keep reaching out were all here xx
Sending you hugs Olive, im thinking of you as I know its your mums anniversary this month. I hope youre getting through each day as best you can, thats all we can do
as they are now gone. Some days are better than others, i find myself feeling guilty when i am finding happiness, then i think my mum would want mw to be happy but its not easy to balance this, and it hits you all over again.
Its almost 2.5 years now for me, and I still struggle every day. And I know many others at the same stage who are finding it just as difficult. Ive come to think that “acceptance” isn’t about accepting theyre gone, for me i think its going to be about accepting this pain is part of my life now, and learning how to continue to function while carrying this pain. Maybe it will lessen over time - i have friends at the 3-4 year mark who seem to have moved out of the very intense grief, but we’re all different. And of course my Mum lost her parents and her husband and continued to raise her family and have a happy life, so it must be possible. I wish I had asked Mum more about how she coped with it all, so she could have imparted some motherly wisdom to me, but it doesnt tend to be something we talk about is it? 
but all i will.say is be ge tle with yourself, there is no time frame, to get over it, and far to soon to even accept it, i found this group and its helping as were all.going through loss of some.sort, and mothers day is particularly hard, when we are mums are gone kknda hits hard. Keep reaching out were all here xx