Olive, dear, it’s not just you, I’ve been in a very dark place lately and January is a terrible month. You do belong here. You do. I so wish you would allow yourself to go talk to someone, but I don’t want to push you either, it has to be your choice. You know, if you weren’t such a kind, good person, you wouldn’t feel such guilt, so that in itself is proof that you are. 
Lovely words Ulma x
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Sending you hugs today Olive
you sre all so kind thank you x
Hi every one, I have just set out my calander work not social ) for Feb as i have three different roles now, mum painted and she made me a “calander top” a picture of chicks in a nest which on a wooden suqaure with a hook that you hang a plain calander on.
Its been sat on the mantlepiece since the year after she gave it to me (many years ago) dusted it off and hung it up, Clever clever mum eh.
smile and now the tears,
Im sure you all have things that bring you comfort x
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Hi Olive,
Aww how lovely! Thank you for sharing that.
There comes a point in the grieving timeline that we can actually use certain things our mums gave us or were once theirs.
I have so many but one of my favourite things are her flowers and angels. I have placed them in my bedroom so every morning on waking I look at them and think of mum. Not that I need reminding as she’s always in my heart but it’s a physical reminder. She loved her angels and whenever I look at them it makes me hope she’s with the most beautiful angels in Heaven.
Thinking of you all on this site and hoping you are all doing the best you can. X
Deborah
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Thats beautiful Olive - i think sharing the stories of our loved ones helps keep their memory alive and that they feel it too I have some really practical things that always remind me of mum - a large serving spoon, a perfect peeling knife, and whenever I use them I know her hands have held them many times before She was also very organised - everything was neatly stored and labelled (unlike me). So any bags, boxes or tins with handwritten labels on were kept and reused in my house - now whenever I reach for a container with mums writing on i know she is helping to keep me organised 
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Lovely words Ally. Even seeing our mum’s handwriting is so special.
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah
Firstly I’m so.sorry for your loss, this is a pain worse than ever, my mum passed just before Christmas and the funeral.is yet to happen, reading your post is exactly where I’m at now, just stuck don’t want to really be sociable justvwhere I have to be. I was also with my mum when she passed always her wish to be at home and we made that happen, but now everything is just empty, the house is just horribly quiet and I just want to be back woth my mum laying on her bed together 
I just miss my mum so so much xx
Hi Carmbino,
I am so sorry you are going through all this grief. It’s the very raw stage for you so just take tiny steps each day. Try to look after your own wellbeing the best you can.
I can’t emphasis enough how this fire is a lifeline There are so many people on here who will offer support to you in what is a safe environment to post on. And you can post 24/7 so always remember you are not on your own even though there are so many times you feel you are. There will always be someone who will reply to you and that in itself helps to lift your spirits just for a few seconds.
After my mum passed the vicar told me he felt that the bond between us was so strong that he felt he could almost touch it. It’s something that I cling on and whenever I have a very bad day I think of that bond and instantly I feel her right here with me . It’s sort of comforting when I am at my lowest. You will find things comforting as you go further on your grief journey but for now you just need to survive each day and get yourself a little stronger each week . That’s more than enough for now !
Sending love,
Deborah x
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Beautiful peonies and angels - your Mum is most definitely with them. I always place flowers infront of my Mum’s framed photograph. She loved me bringing flowers home and I know that she would be pleased that I was continuing to have flowers. I feel like I am giving her the flowers when I place them near her photo and it makes me feel close to her. I also place candles and a prayer card against the vase. I have a cat. She was a stray that belonged to us both. I find that she has been therapeutic, helps me not feel alone in an empty house and gives me purpose. She gets me up every morning!
Oh the cats, spirit animals majestic and aloof, but calming when they grace you with their presence.
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Hi Sparrow,
I too place flowers by her photo. Every week I look for flowers in my garden as mum lived my garden.
It’s 3 yes now for me. In the beginning I had a special memory area for mum in my lounge and I took placed a candle and a cross, her favourite ornament and photos of her there. It was my special go to place especially when I woke in the night. Somewhere where I felt even closer to her. I now have a special place upstairs for her and it’s where I can talk to her
Sending love
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah
Thank you for your reply,
Iim trying to do small things each day there is still the funneral to plan nearly finalised this now, im trying to be strong and just grt through it, as the day gets nearer im finding myself panicking and worrying what if something goes wrong, i jyst want to do my mum proud, this will be final and rhats what scares me as what comes next 
x
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Hi Carmbino,
You will do on your mum proud so don’t worry about that !
Sending love
Deborah
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Thank you x
And how are you doing x
Hi Carmbino,
It’s been 3 yrs for me so my emotions have constantly changed. I still feel the awful heartache of missing my mum do much. I miss the life I once had. It’s like time has stood still.
Deborah
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Although almost 4 months now, I too miss my Mum and exactly that, the life we had. We could always rely on one another. I sometimes find early morning that I momentarily wake with an awful pang of realisation. Most of the time I feel that I am living in a surreal world; it is still not real or perhaps I am denying myself the reality as it is too painful in order to function everyday.
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Hi Sparrow2,
I felt like you do. It will ease a little. I used to wake and instantly it used to hit me mum wasn’t here. It used to destroy me and I could hardly get out of bed. It still happens but I can cope with the feelings better than at the beginning. I instantly get up and distract myself even though it’s very difficult to do. Distraction helps. As does taking tiny steps every day. Looking after your own wellbeing is crucial. This site is a lifeline and you will gain so much support from it. People on here really understand what you are going through.
Keep going
Sending love and strength to you
Deborah
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Thank you Deborah. I have a cat so find that she is a wonderful distraction!
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