Every night I come to bed about 6pm. It’s been like this for almost 5 months now since Derek died. He had 2 completely unrelated health issues which meant we spent a lot of time in our bedroom and I feel closer to him when I am here.
I light a candle every night when I come to the room, and will not try to sleep until the candle goes out. Does anyone else follow rituals? I have to say certain things at specific times, do things the way I used to when he was here with me. Otherwise I believe I am losing a part of me which was part of us.
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I am 17 months on but yes like you I follow some rituals, I always kiss his photo before I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning. When I go food shopping I park the car in the same spot we always parked in. On his birthday I write him a card and on my birthday I put up one of his cards that I kept. I do lots of things without thinking about them like put the bins out the same time he did, in the same place on the drive. When you have been with someone for 35 yrs it’s instinct as you mirror each other over time.
I always put his bedside lamp on when I put mine on. It’s my way of continuing our bond
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Sometimes i feel like I’m going through our daily routines/injokes by myself now - whilst talking to my dog instead of my husband. I miss him so much and the only way i can get through at the moment is to switch to autopilot and not face up to reality 
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Not rituals, but I talk to him throughout the day, grumble at him sometimes.
I write a journal every day, well, it is a letter to him really.
I sleep on his side of the bed because it’s easier seeing my side empty.
When I put the bins out, or do ‘his’ jobs it hurts like hell.
If anything, I do everything as differently as possible. My brain says that if my life has to be different now then it must be as different as possible. So I avoid doing anything that we used to do if I can.
I don’t look at photos, l avoid listening to music. I don’t watch television in the evenings, reading instead. I cook different foods. Of course there are many things that I can’t avoid, so I have to grit my teeth and get on with those.
Funny how we are all different. Xx
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I keep saying the same invokes we shared out loud. I know how he would respond to any situation and have the reply ready. “Tomato sauce with scrambled eggs?”, and I say " the only way to eat scrambled eggs!".
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I can’t go to the same places we went to I avoid them totally (except Morrisons food shopping). I have changed everything in the house but I can look at photo’s and listen to music, yeah we all different but that’s what makes us unique…
I can’t cope in the garden either, that was his territory
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My husband always put ketchup on eggs. It made me feel nauseous and we laughed about it. For one thing, it reminded me of my dad doing that when I was ill with jaundice as a child. And red clashes with yellow! He also put ketchup on bacon sandwiches.
Tomato ketchup is for fish and chips, burgers and sausages.
The End.
He couldn’t stand the smell of lobster, I didn’t mind that, but if I was cooking cauliflower or broccoli I opened all the windows, he said I was weird, but he loved me anyway,
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