I am so very sorry that you are feeling despair, isolated and friendless. No one understands what it is like unless one is a widow or widower and friends who are married or with a significant others simply do no comprehend the gravity of our situation, having lost 1/2 of ourselves and all of our husbands/wives too.
They also get tired of all the moaning and talking to us becomes a “downer” . I truly dislike that all I have on my mind is the next hour, that I am repetitive in conversations, that I am bringing negative energy to everyone with my sadness. I don’t want my interactions to be burdensome to others. No one really wants to be around a grieving spouse, it scares people. I totally understand.
That is why I am here. I can air my problems anonymously and get things off my chest and thoughts from my mind just typing it here to others who understand.
It’s funny,when my hubby was poorly people we knew used to ask “how was he doing”,“how are you and your son coping”( we were his main carers)sadly he passed,we don’t see anyone and nobody asks how we are doing now,i feel we have just been deserted.
I feel deserted. I don’t like saying these words but no one contacts me and I do feel like a burden because I am grieving and I cannot help it. It’s not that I go around talking about my partner or my loss but I feel they don’t know what to say to me, it is 15 months since I lost him the thing is, I want to engage with people less and less and yet the isolation is really affecting me lately so I am making the effort to push through how I feel and make phone calls. Not talking enough recently started to make me feel very low, worse that ever so I decided I have to do whatever it takes for my own benefit-and my own sanity
I found this page at exactly the right time because I was going downwards from not expressing it
Seeing what others have honestly put into words here has saved my bacon because I really did not know where to go to express all this so Thank You for your open ness, honesty and generosity of spirit
Isnt it sad. I hate this. My husband would say who needs them as he didnt care but i do and feel ao abandoned and alone. Im sorry yours feeling this way too. We can be friends
Youre so brave janet.
Youve echoed all my feelings and thoughts and good on you for pushing and trying. I dont think i can yet. Just feel so alone and not sure how to be or what to do. You take care and thanks for writing. We are here x
Janet and hary, break this cycle by inviting friends over for dinner even if it means you are the 3rd or 5th of 7th wheel. Make the effort to return to the circle of friends.
I know I must face our married friends sooner or later. I dread the awkwardness.
I dont know.
Even before my peter I was always the one to open my home up. Do the teaching out. Make the effort. At my time of need, no one?, im sorry to have these feelings of how unfair it all is.
I promise you they are trying to not interfere with your grieving and have no idea how to help you heal. Give them a chance, invite them for a meal. What is the worst that can happen? Burned food? Crying? Friends don’t care about either, they just want to see you.
I found the key to the file cabinet! Whew! Saved myself $285 not having to call a locksmith again. Seems that everything inside is old and not of any importance, but it is one more thing not to fret over.
Slept dressed on the sofa again. Must make the effort to get to bed.
Just reading all your posts has helped me feel I’m not alone. This hell we are all going through, the exhaustion, I can’t see a way it will ever get better… Thinking of you all, hoping you all get some sleep tonight. Xxx
