Awful mornings

Does anyone else find first thing in a morning when you wake up absolutely dreadful? It’s been 12 weeks now since my husband died and the mornings are getting steadily worse. I am retired so don’t often have anywhere I need to be and the tears come as I wake up and realise yet again that it is really true.
Not sure what point there is in my question but just needed to write it down.

21 weeks for me, Bereft. Every morning as I wake, there is once again the heartbreaking realisation that she is gone.
148 days now, and not a single one when I haven’t cried, and I don’t think it’s getting any better.
I am retired too: were it not for my dogs, I feel sure that I would spend all day in bed.

Not much there to help you feel any better, but you are by no means alone.

Hi Bereft
I had those exact feelings for a good few months,that morning dread,it’s 11 months for me since my husband passed and think it started to lift a bit after 6 or 7 month,it is a horrible start to the day,i wake up now with a sadness ,but i can move through the day a little easier.Hope it eases a bit for you,it’s always good to write feelings down,get’s them out of your head,those tears still come though,some days easier than others.I understand the feeling of what do i do today? i,m not working at the moment,so i do try to be productive in some way,but other days ,i feel sad,cry,and think a lot.Grief is continuous,regardless how we approach it,and we have to heal by feeling it all.Take care xx

Dear Bereft.

Very sorry for your loss.
Yes, morning are worse for me as well. I too lost my darling husband only 10 weeks ago and i am finding every day more difficult to understand or accept it.

He was just 60 and we were retiring and looking forward to "have more time " together…

Waking up to such a sad reality is very painful and feels very lonely. I dont have mental ir physical energy to get up and plan a day. You are not alone.

Its all too soon (i have been told) but I hope it never happened.

Take care De

Thank you for all the replies, I do appreciate them and am sorry for all your grief. I keep telling myself that after 53 years of marriage I must expect this awful feeling. I cannot think about my husband at all without crying as his last weeks were so traumatic. I keep hoping that at some point I can think of him as he was before that but realise that may take some time. Thank you again

Mornings used to be the worst time but I have my dogs to take for a walk. I stay out for over an hour and I find this helps. Now I am starting to suffer during the afternoons. It just seems to come on and I have a sort of anxiety attack. Going into a supermarket is horrendous, all I want to do is cry.

early morning,evening,anytime of day I miss my beloved husband so much the pain is indescribable. I am also retired. I have tried to get involved in various activities but seem to be either already established groups or couples . Will keep trying but struggiling as feeling of isolation is overwhelming x

I hate the mornings too,another bleak day to trudge through.I have to work but it is getting increasingly difficult to function,luckily my colleagues are extremely understanding,I am late every day and sometimes don’t get in at all.I have a great counsellor and will see the dr this week as having dizzy/fainting episodes lately as well.I used to be such a strong person,now I am a wreck.It is unbelievable what grief does to us isn’t it.I don’t want a future without my lovely Roy in it.Tonight I feel extra awful because I was crying ,and then felt a need to scream,one of my dogs was really scared,the animals are the only things keeping me going,it is not their fault,and now I have made them feel worse when their life has changed dramatically too.They are all piled up on me now having cuddles but I still feel awful and guilty.Sorry to go on about me when all you lovely people are suffering the same pain,just feeling so shit tonight.You are all amazing and such a support,we must stick together in our struggle.Loads of love to you all, Corinna xx

I’ve found my morning ritual helps me get up. Firstly get the porridge on the go and add loads of rich Jersey milk then get the coffee machine on for the first flat white of the day. Never fails. I usually have to wait until the house warms up a bit before I’m inclined to get out. Occasionally I’ve got meetings to go to or U3A trips and I struggle to rush now so it’s always last minute. The other problem is that 5 weeks ago I got a new mattress and I seem to get stuck to it.
I always used to like early to bed and early to rise but I think age is changing that.

At this time of day I most acutely feel that sense of the pointlessness of my continued existence in this life.
Oh, it goes on all day - it doesn’t get much better, but I face up to my responsibilities to go on living, for now.

I’m permitting myself to think this morning and it’s not good. Half a year for me today, 26 weeks. I need to push on.

I’ve been reflecting on that six-month point for a bit - since hitting 20 weeks, I suppose.

It’s the time to start thinking about a permanent headstone.

Today, it’s 22 weeks and one day for me. 155 days.

I wondered if 26 weeks was a milestone and what that meant. Should I discuss what to do with the ashes, the clothes or indeed just discuss anything, something. I can’t work out whether the children aren’t ready to discuss things or they’ve gone past that point. Maybe after the wedding of one of my daughters on 23rd things will become clearer. I realise I need help with all those decisions rather than a need to share. I don’t recognise my new self.

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