Back to Day 1

Its been just over 2 months since I lost my beautiful wife, I have been trying to get on with my life since then not thinking I was getting any were, but family and friends were telling me that I was very slowly showing signs of some improvements, it didn’t seem like it to me as I was still crying daily, not really eating and sleeping as I should have done etc, but the last couple of days I seemed to have gone right back to day one, and I have got up this morning and it all seems as though it was only yesterday when my wife died, the pain is quite unbearable, I don’t want to talk to anyone, don’t want to eat anything, don’t want to go out, just like it was when she first died, I can see now what people meant when they said they could see a slight improvement, just hope this feeling goes as quick as it came. Take Care x

Hi Mick
I’m afraid two months is no time to think you can get over a loss like this. As hard as we try it takes time to adjust and we have to go through the grieving. We can’t rush the process and neither is there any quick fix, Other people see what they want to see but they will never know what is going on inside you.
I am now in my third year and still have those days when it all comes flooding back to me, when I can become a lost soul but the plus side of time is that I don’t fear the tears anymore and I know that tomorrow is another day. The ups and downs of grieving is confusing to us. We have changed in our outlook to life. Taking each day is the best way and there will be some reasonably good days to come. If you don’t want company then don’t worry, a lot of us like our own space for a while. I still do. Of course I still miss my husband and there is that pain you mention but I can now adjust to it. I can find enjoyment in the things I like to do.
Try to take care of yourself as you will only make yourself ill and with grief this is not a good mix. Above all let the tears come why be afraid of them they are a tribute to the ones we love.
Take care of yourself


Hi Pattidot

Thanks for your reply.

I didn’t think I could get over my loss in a couple of months as you state, I realise that I will never get over it, also I don’t wont to get over it, I never wont to forget her, I just hopefully, in time, I can learn to live with my loss ,the point that I was making was that i was surprised that pain and the grief of losing my wife had gone back to Day 1 after just over 2 months. Take Care x

Hi Mick
It is surprising how we suddenly slip back in time. I have noticed this even after much longer time than you in grief.
You are correct in thinking that in time some of us might be able to learn to live with our loss.
However those terrible first days do come flooding back at times. I now like to think its my husband giving me a nudge and making sure I don’t forget him or the things we did together. Like you I am never going to forget and don’t want to, it gives me comfort to think of him by my side.
Yesterday I was trying to do something and couldn’t reach and this was when I would have to enlist my husbands help as he was much taller than me. At first I would break down at this thought but yesterday I smiled as I imagined the silly comments he would have thrown at me for being too short. So is this learning to adapt???

Dear Mickere

I am so sorry for your loss of your wife
Life is so unfair
It’s your grief
In time your body does learn how to cope
It doesn’t mean you are over your grief
It’s been 4 years now since I loss my husband
And I miss him every minute of the day
It’s spring now we would be getting ready to go away in our caravan
The first time I followed one I had to stop the car I couldn’t see for crying
So many things little things evoke a feeling a sadness
Time is definitely not a healer
But it is all so raw for you tight now
Please use this site
We are all here to Listen to you
We all understand
Take care