Back To square one

It’s almost 5th months since I lost my partner, I had started to make some progress finding it easier to be out and easier to be home alone but I feel like I am now back at square one.

It would have been our 15th anniversary of being together this month and our 40th year of friendship.

I am finding the little hiccups in life such mountains at the moment and the mountains just seem in passable. My brain just can’t compute solutions. I was always so organised and had a routine but now I just feel that’s all gone.

I know a little at a time helps but I just feel like I am walking on custard at the minute I stand still I sink. If I keep going I can’t stop to think and I can’t get things done.

I broke my foot a couple of weeks ago I just wasn’t looking were I was going as my mind was else where as usual.

Best wishes
To all


@PaulaJM - I feel very similar to you. I am 7 months since my husband died. I felt I was making progress and felt a bit more in control. However, I feel like I’ve slipped right back and I can’t work out why.
I feel I can’t focus and am putting off things I need to do. I have the churning in my stomach all the time and am struggling to eat.
Friends are off on holidays and enjoying their lives with their families - maybe that’s affecting me?
I’m reluctant to admit I’ve slipped back and am still telling friends and family I’m not doing too bad. I feel they expect that after 7 months.
I hope you start to feel better soon. We can’t escape this nightmare - it seems so unfair.


Hi Flossy,

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

I think you are right about the holiday season. Andy and I always went away at the beginning of August for a couple of weeks. We loved Torquay after finding it by accident on a day out whilst visiting friends in Exmouth. We went on numerous occasions to celebrate our anniversary.

My stomach and mind churn in unison neither one really doing its job very well.

No one can judge the grief another is going through we must all travel the journey at our own speed.

I have recently written a poem about grief, I will share in a separate post.

Take care,

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Hi Paula

Same for me, I lost Tony on 6th March and thought I was moving forward but, like you my heads still in a muddle and it’s hard to get started and prioritise things I need to do. This last week has been hard as I stayed indoors during the heat. This just heightened the great big hole in my life that he left. I know I will get to a point again where I can recall goid memories without crying.

Love to all in this same nightmare

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Hi Emee,

I agree staying home all the time has had a negative impact on me as I see Andy everywhere he was such a huge part of all our lives and so photogenic his photos are everywhere.

It’s a bit cooler here today so hope to get out later.

Take care