Back to square one ?

It’s 2 months since I lost my husband and today I feel like things are just getting worse.
I have 4 kids, 1 at home full time and 3 others who are back regularly from uni or work.
They all have their good and bad days and I make sure I am there for them whenever they need me. But today they are all home and I still feel so alone and my husband isn’t there when I need someone to support me.
I cancelled a coffee with a friend this morning as I felt awful but did force myself to go outdoor swimming with another friend this afternoon. Another old friend came along to give me support but it just made me feel worse. They have their lives and are settled and happy and it just seems that makes me feel worse at the moment.
I’ve been trying so hard to try keep going with everything and getting out but I really just want to go to bed and stay there for a long while.
I wonder if just keeping to myself for a while would be better ?
The pain is so deep it is getting more difficult to contain each day.
It helps knowing others are listening and are feeling the same on this site.


I am not sure what is better really but I couldn’t cope after two months with socialising because I couldnt keep it together easily. People tried to get me to socialise but didn’t want to. Later I did pick and choose. I didnt like pressure. I avoided lots of things. The more people tried to force me the more it put me off. I remember couldn’t organise myself and everything was an effort.

That sounds so familiar @Enorac
I was initially so worried I would just become completely isolated and as I was off work I started up volunteering and some other activities with friends to fill the time.
But now I can’t seem to get organised to even do the housework and the nice weather seems to make it all the harder as we would have been loving the time outdoors. I feel trapped as I have to be here for my kids but I really just want to leave and get away from all my memories.

I’m the same , the kids need me but all I want to do is get on a plane , anywhere away from this place and the constant memories / reminders of what I’ve lost .

It is so hard isn’t it @Dino13
I try to put a brave face on for my kids but some days are harder than others and sometimes I just am so tired of pretending.
The burden feels so heavy at times.