Jorich, You are so right, I leave BBC radio 4 on all the time, It tends to be talking which suits me.
I canāt leave a radio on. Would rather come home to silence. I would hate to open the door, hear conversation and hope beyond hope that she was there. I know i would be utterly devastated all over again on realising sheās gone. Itās strange what works for each of us. Good luck to you all with what works for you.
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jrthorn
I know exactly what you mean.Iam the sameI .People have suggested that to me too.The silence and lonelliness is awfull,but hearing the conversation when i come home would lull me into a false sense that my dear wife was here.We are all different in our emotions and how we are i am pleased the radio works for people.Whatever can help ease the pain and hurt and grief is the most important thing.We all have our ways in trying to come to terms with this awfull thing that has happened to us all.
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Hi brummy
Not sure i will truly ever get over my loss. I canāt see a time coming when i will ever stop loving her, stop missing her presence or stop mourning her loss.
I do what i need to do to survive as best as possible. Fatherās Day was always poignant to us both. I lost my Father 16 years ago and she lost hers when he was 53, on Fatherās Day, before we met. She always made an effort for me too, on Fatherās Day, as she used to thank me for accepting her two children as my own. Miss her today and feel her loss extremely hard today.
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Hi jrthorn
I was so sorry to hear of your loses on this most significant of Days.My dad died aged 80 of lung cancer about 20 years ago.I still miss him and told him i was thinking of him.My wifes dad died in 2011 of an aneurism,the same think my wifes mum died with.WE moved here in 2012 to live with and look after my wifes mum.She passed in 2022.My wife found her in her bed in the morning.She never really got over the shock.Now its just me left.Like yourself i dont think i will ever get over my loss.I dont think we ever recover,we will try to adjust but things will never be the same again.No more memories to make and share together.I will never stop loving her and stop missing her being beside me.Everthing i do,everywhere i go there is just an emptyness and void.also the lonelyness.Eating alone is so difficult too just sat at the table alone.You wake up in the morning to another lonely day.I often think to myself what is the future now my wife is no longer here to share my life with?i try to remember happy times but even by doing that often makes me cry.Night time is so painful too.
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Hi brummy,
Yes i get everything you said. People worry about me being lonely. I CAN live on my own, my problem is i donāt WANT to live on my own without her, if you understand what i mean.
Creating memories without her just makes me feel guilty, as well as sad that she wonāt share them with me.
It is a horrible place we are in, and it is impossible to describe to anyone else. You never know where you are with the grief.
At least she went before me and doesnāt have to go through all the pain i am going through. I would have hated leaving her on her own.
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I dont like being home alone but like you, I feel guilty going out 
I have two daughters still at home but theyre often doing their own thingsā¦.work, out with partners etc. is there not a lunch club you could try locally or a mens group or bereavement group? Its so sad. Sending you hugs xx
Thank you Kafebrown.I work monday to friday which has helped with my mental turmoil.they have been very good,i come home and burst into tears.The village doesnt have a mens group unfortunatly.I cannot drive so have to rely on the buses,every 90 minutes nothing sundays and bank holidays.I have looked up bereavement groups but they are all iles from here and meet midweek.The neighbours have been very good and i met up with 3 ex work colleagues for a coffee at the village coffee shop.then went into town to do some shopping and felt i could burst into tears.Thank you for your nice message.Sending you hugs tooxx
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I understand all of those feelings i went back to work to get me out of the house and to chatā¦.its so difficult being at home. Im hoping things improve. I considered moving the week after Eric diedā¦but started to decorate instead x
Kafebrown
Thank you for your understanding.I think you made the right decision with the decorating.I know its only bricks and mortar but there are so many memories here.Needs a fair amount of repair.My dear wife and her mum both passed away here.
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Hi brummy and Kafebrown
I am on leave for the week. Not looking forward particularly to being in my own. I do have lots to do around the place, just need to find the energy and enthusiasm to start.
Keeping myself busy will be the key. Problem is I know we would have had a week away somewhere this week, and it just magnifies the loss. Starting again on my own feels terrifying, and to be honest i am not in the right headspace to do it yet.
I will spend a lot of time talking to her this coming week.
Good luck with your decorating.
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I know how the feeling being on my own huts so much and is so painful.I cant bring myself to go away anywhere because we did everything together.Being alone and without my dear wife would be too much at the moment.I agree with you about finding the energy and enthusiasm.There is so much to do here.Talk to her as much as you want tojrthorn.I talk to my wife all the time.It does help i find.
I do talk to her a lot, and i write to her too. It makes it easier to say what i want to say to her.
We were two halves of the same coin. We knew each other so well. We shared a life, a heart and a soul, much like many others on this site did with their partners.
I believe she is somewhere better and free from pain. She was an angel on earth, and i was lucky enough to be allowed to love her for 23 years.
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Hi
I am so truly sorry for your loss.
If you want to chat just let me know
Hi Cat6
Thanks for your offer, very ki d of you. I am generally ok, but have sad moments like many others on this site.
I have quite a lot of support, so am lucky in that respect.
My wife was widowed earlier in her life, and she carried on. I know she would want me to do the same. I am not ready to do that yet, it has been around 6 months, but i intend to try in the future.
Again, thank you and i will bear your offer in mind.
I just hope things get better for you.
You sound very similar to me.We nearly always thought and said the same thing.I like to believe she is somewhere better and out of pain too.She suffered greatly the last months weeks and days of her life and was very frail.It broke my heart to see her in pain.now i am heartbroken she has gone.The day before she went i cried so much.I could see how unwell she was.It just all hurts so much.
Hi brummy
I had to agree to the doctors turning off her support, and helping her passing. She was so very weak from fighting.
It broke my heart then, and has done every day since. I knew it was the right thing to do, but have hated myself ever since as i feel that i gave up on her. Stupid really to think that, but hey, thatās what grief does to your mind.
I always considered myself as a strong person, but losing her has totally kicked the legs from under me. I am nearly 62, and have never known pain like it.
I know i have to start again, but i am not ready for that yetā¦if ever.
I am sure your wife is in a much better place too, and will be waiting for you when itās your time, as mine will be there for me.
I believe that we come from spirit, live a physical life, and return to spirit. Believe you will see her again.
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HI jrthorn
Please dont think you gave up on her.You did all you could for her.The same with me the guilt is awful,feeling i should have done more for her.Should have called 999 earlier,should have rang the hospital and told them the awfull side effects the tablets were having on her.I keep saying to her it was all my fault.As you say thts what grief does to your mind.I am 63 and like you the pain is awful.My cousin says i am being strong,i dont feel strongI really do like to think my wife is in a better place and will be waiting for me when its my time.I think its only the thought we will meet again that keeps me going.Take care
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I get told how strong i am. I am not strong. What is the alternative to trying to survive it? Itās not strength, itās all about survival.
Guilt is a horrible thing, but you canāt stop feeling it, sadly.
Take care my friend. Believe you will meet again.