Glad you’ve been strong enough to go back to work, people don’t always know what to say but sounds like your colleagues are supporting you and I’m so glad. As people keep telling me, it’s a new life now and somehow we have to accept it and get used to it. But it’s so damned hard, and I’m the same with people holding hands. I was just coming back from shopping and there they were , a lovely elderly couple walking in front holding hands. It just. broke me and the tears started to flow, Ihad to rush home and talk to him. How is lovely Ally cat? Hope your days at work will get easier.x
Work is difficult. So many reminders. No lunch time phone call. No texts about dinner. No taking small stuff home to surprise her with.
I overwhelmingly hate this new life. That’s if can call it a life.
The cat is good company. The only good thing in my life
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Oh Jay, nothing’s right is it? And the awful part is, it never will be again and somehow we have to learn to cope. Nobody tells us how, we just go through hell each day and hope one day it won’t feel like we’re being stabbed through the heart and choking. I know just how you feel, if that’s any help at all, life without them feels empty and pointless and it’s so hard to keep going. . But we’ve made it this far and will somehow summon the strength to continue…I bet your lovely Ally is happy you’ve got your little cat to love and care for. Sending love x
Thank you bjane. The cat is almost the only reason I get up. I promised my Allison that I will look after her mum. I won’t fail her on that even when I feel like giving up. It does help to know you understand as not many people do they think they do. But comments suggest otherwise.
I do appreciate the time you spend in replying as it is a very lonely world at the moment.
I do think about you a lot Jay and what you are going through, life is so cruel and it’s almost impossible to cope when everything’s been snatched away from you, especially for you with the dreadful circumstances of your Ally’s passing away. One of the best things about this site is everyone understands, you can open up your heart however you wish and never be judged. And you are never alone, remember that.x
Thank you bjane. So kind words. Life is horrendous and nothing I can do about it. Doctors have a long list of excuses for missing 4 years of misdiagnosis.
Now having have councelling session. Hoping they will help
Those little things are the hardest to accept that they’re gone and not coming back … each one is unique and leaves a hole that cannot be filled. Fill it with more love and connection with your wife and inner self. On the other hand, having a cat is such a blessing, furry companion. give and take, little by little… I hope the unbearable becomes bearable one day.
Glad you’re having counselling Jay, you have a lot to try to come to terms with as well as the terrible loss . I’m sure you will feel you owe it to her to try and find answers . It’s the weekend and the sun is out, does Ally Cat go out yet? Thinking of you, take care x
Thanks guys. Now on sleeping tablets as the nights are too overwhelming distressing. The cat is good company she not allowed out yet got to wait another couple of weeks.
Doing a 3 day week again next week.
Better morning this morning. Pain still there but less tears on a pillow.
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Oh that sounds better, sometimes I wonder just where all the tears come from, how can they keep coming. Do you go and see your Ally’s mum or is she too far away? Sleeping tablets should help, not sleeping just adds to the torture and makes it harder to face anything. You’re doing well! That’s two positive things, three counting Ally cat, smal steps out of the hellhole we’re all in. Sending lovex
Thanks again. I do see her mum but find it really difficult. She is housebound and has some cognitive issues. Plus totally deaf. I’m having to deal with sorting and arranging personal care issues. My Allison would normally have done this and age UK. Social services and the care agency all pass the buck. Will try her doctors next week.
Oh God you’ve got so much on your plate. Make sure you’re eating properly , at least you’ll be sleeping better, but you must make sure you are okay, that’s very stressful for you on top of everything . My neighbour has a 90 year old mother with dementia who has very hard to care for at he and social services are being useless, like yours.So hard for you on your own.x
I’m back at work tomorrow after caring for my Dad and loosing him in March. What’s scary for me is that lockdown helps to detach from reality. Going back I feel is going to be so challenging. At the same time, it may provide a structure or distraction. The thing is I’m not sure I want to be distracted🤦🏾♀️. I hope you got on ok?
Yes I know what you mean, in a way I think it’s stopped us moving forward with our grief and losses, LIke the world has stood still and we’ve got to emerge again and face feelings and people we’ve been able to avoid. Good luck. I hope you get on alright. Hugsx
You couldn’t have said that better.
So true. Thank you and the same to. 
let’s find that rainbow! xx