I lost my wife to long term illness in March. Over the next two weeks I have my Birthday and Wedding Anniversary coming up. The first ones on my own. This is not going to be easy to get through with family 600 miles away.
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Birthdays and anniversaries are difficult for us so I can well understand that you are apprehensive. I always light a candle on our special days and try to focus on some special memory that we shared…It is hard but also strangely comforting. Doing anything for the first time is daunting but we all manage it somehow and everyone reading this will be thinking of you as will your family…are you able to contact them on zoom or face-time at all?
Take care x
Thank for your kind advice. I think I will try the candle
My first anniversary of my husband’s passing was horrific. I could not stop looking at the clock and I did not move all day.The first Christmas was so lonely and I just wanted to go to sleep. I am now facing the 2nd anniversary and can already feel the pressure building up.It seems relentless sometimes with the memories of these times but in between I am coping better. I know how hard it is not to dwell on anniversaries when they happen but please try to get out if only for a coffee. I hope the day passes without too much of a reminder but somehow we can never let go because live is the greatest emotion we have ever felt.
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I meant love not live.
Looks like these new Covid rules are going to make the Anniversary even harder. No one allowed to visit in Scotland.
Hi
It is hard go go through these special times without the special person.
I tend to celebrate those dates. In 5 days It will be the 2nd anniversary of Jack’s death, I will have our children and Jack’s sister coming for lunch on Sunday the 18th, and we will talk about him and I know we will cry.
For our wedding anniversary I was alone, so I went for a long walk thinking about Jack and listening to my broken heart. Those a very challenging times.
What helps me is to plan ahead, so on Wednesday the 14th I will go to my minister and he will pray with me, then I will meet a friend for lunch and I know that at both occasions I will cry a lot. Probably I will go fora long walk after lunch.
Things like this help me, but we are so different and we grieve in different ways.
Also remember we are all here. The beauty of this forum is that we can say whatever and that will be understood
Take care
Sadie x
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Thanks for that. I survived the two weeks on my own. The next one is my wife’s Birthday in two weeks time. All these virus restrictions do not help with meeting up with friends.
Dear Sadsadie, I couldn’t help but shed a tear for your post. I am so sorry about the circumstances that are now ahead of you and how you plan to seal with the second anniversary of Jack’s death. I really feel that’s a hard way to deal with it, rest assured you are in good company. I am going to deal with my wife’s one year anniversary since she died. I’m not sure how I will get thru it, but I suspect I will be depressed and heartbroken realizing she is gone. Many times I wish she was still here, she really lit up my life! I hope you will be able to get thru this ordeal — I am sympathetic for you. I am just about a month away, but wanted to write to you to let you know I feel for you too. Please take care!!
Herb
I’m facing the second anniversary of my husband birthday without him also our son’s 20th birthday is next week and of course Xmas which I’d like to cancel. The first anniversary was bad enough it just gets harder I think.
Hi Herb
The anniversary passed - I feel so very sad! I also feel so tired - tears exhaust you !! I feel drained
One of the books I read it says “ we learn to dancei around the void “ and this is our journey now - leaves n to dance around the void!
Hope you have a good day
Sadie
Dear Sadsadie, My anniversary date is coming up (November 19), The seasons are changing, leaves are falling from the trees and it is getting cold out now. My chores are slowing down, and as I think about- I can say that I almost dread the whole thing! Nothing is preparing me for it. During the warm months I kept busy - now it’s at a standstill. I am sorry you had to experience the anniversary. I also feel tired and cold now, don’t even want to get up out of bed - yes I too am tired. Yes, our journey is not a path anymore, now we do dance around the void. It’s a pity we have to endure these things, all in all you are so right! I wish you my best wishes - keep warm, and take care of yourself as best as possible. I’m glad you wrote today, it helps me to know I’m not alone in this. Take care!
Herb
Dear Louiise7, I just read your post - it seems sad. As I mentioned to Sadsadie, my wife’s anniversary is coming up in November - I don’t know how I was handle but as I had thought about it lately, I suspect I will be very sad and heartbroken - so you see, we are all enduring these experiences at different moments but and are able to to offer or compassion for each other. The world will celebrate holidays, but for those few of us facing losses, it will be another day that we endure. I don’t mean to sound so down, but a loss can sometimes be a big loss for some of us. Please take care of yourself. Blessinsg to you.
Herb
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Thanks herb
Herb
None of us is prepared for this!
I don’t fight my bad days a just let them happen - however we are have to be careful not to stay in bed all day
When Jack became ill, a friend of mine gave me the best advice Ever “do not isolate yourself “ which sounds like a bad joke at this time with the coronavirus!!
Sadie x
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