Fourteen months on and still cannot believe my husband has died, of course I know he’s gone but it still has a somewhat surreal quality about it, despite it being a year and more. I thought I would some how have come to terms with my situation at this point but I still feel like a child not wanting it to be true “how ridiculous, I know” I try not to think about the future as it creates a culture of fear in my head and the past well let’s just say I’m not sure I could function if I embraced my sadness so I’m stuck in a relentless present which is at times unbearable. Most of the time I muddle through go to work and try to distract myself, not really living more existing like most of us on here I imagine I just miss my husband so much and I just can’t really imagine a time when I won’t feel like this. Sometimes I wonder how much more I can endure just wish I could flip a switch as I feel so drained of energy. I’m trying really hard to build a new life for myself but it’s hard as my hearts not really in it, I keep telling myself I have no choice and my life will be different now but I’m killing time if I’m honest I just so want not to be here. Sorry to be negative I know we are all feeling the same just a bad day xx
I’m very sorry to read you had such a bad day yesterday. It’s little consolation I know, but we all have them. You are right, many of us are just existing from one day to the next. You are absolutely not alone in feeling like this.
I hope you have a better day today. Take care of yourself and try to believe there will be better days ahead even if you can’t see how.
Thank you Neil most of the time I’m on an even keel but every so often I feel devastated all over again its like I’m in a continual loop I can’t escape, the sadness is always just beneath the surface I guess I push it down and then it escapes and seems to effect every aspect of my life and it’s bloody relentless still not to bad today one day at a time I suppose. xx
Hi Aquarius
I feel the exactly as you do the only difference my husband only died at the beginning of April. Im trying so hard to build some sort of life without him but I feel its only helping me to pass time. Its such an big effort and like you I feel exhausted because I’m not getting enough sleep. I thought things might get better but after reading what you said it does not appear to happen.I feel so alone in the evenings and I’m not quite sure how to solve that problem. I do take one day at a time and make sure I have something planned but every time I go out and return to the house it hits me that my hubby is never going to me there to greet me again.
Life is so unfair.
Katy
I know exactly how you feel.I havn’t been on this site for a while,it’s 8 months since my husband passed and thought I would be doing a lot better by now as I had plans in my head of what I wanted to do.I think we have to just ride it out as I have seen doctors, ,social workers and crises team and yet they dont seem to be of any help,family just keep talking about them self’s I don’t want to be here either
Hi Katy, it’s so early days for you,if you have good family around you they will get you through.regards sleep see your doctor as I was up up all hours in the early days of my husband passing and now I can sleep,take car
Hello KatyB
I’m sorry my previous post made such a negative impression unfortunately grief is like a rollercoaster ride some days it’s easier to manage than others. You are in the very very early stages and having been their myself I appreciate how overwhelming it is. The loneliness to I understand coming back to an empty house is unbearable but you do adjust slowly admittedly but you do because what choice is there.
Tell me are you having any counselling? I go to a group and it really helps to share with people who are going through the same as you both practically and emotionally it makes me feel less alone if that makes sense. This is a hard journey make no mistake I don’t have answers for you but I hope you are able to find the strength you will need xx
Oh Skylark it’s unbearable at times isn’t it I’m so sad for you for all of us on here I’m hoping you are able to find the strength you need to carry on xx
Thankyou Aquarius,I hope you felt a bit better today.I have had a few bad days of late.I’m glad you have a group you can go to, I have been looking for months but there is nothing in my area so I talk to my Gp but would prefer a group of women to talk to.I try not to think of the future it’s scares me too much I just feel so alone, and I think I’m still in shock.x
Know how you feel my sister asked me what I was thinking I told her i didn’t want to be here anymore I want to be with my mark although I would never take my own life I just think about it all too often iv got a long journey to go before I can be with him again it’s a daily struggle my hearts not in it anymore
I’ve just come on to the site again because I hate this time of the day, I feel so lonely and miss my husband so much especially in the evenings. I just sit and cry and wonder if things will ever improve. I keep myself busy in the daytime but cant solve this problem of loneliness in the evenings.Can anyone help?
Katy