I thought id been doing well , losing my much loved mum 5 weeks ago today , ive been moving from day to day and although if i talk about her i have a few tears , ive been coping . Or so i thought , today it hit me like a ton of bricks . A wave of grief came over me and i couldnt breath , my heart broke all over again , i sobbed as i did on the morning she left me , and i realised all over again that she wasnt coming home , that my anchor , my constant , my best friend and wonderful mum was gone from me . How can we bear this heartache , this physical aching pit , how can i live my life without her in it , i always knew it was going to be hard when that time came , i didnt realise it would be near impossible .
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I’m so sorry. 
What you wrote about having known it would be difficult, but not that it would be near impossible, that really resonated with me. I’m further along on this awful journey, but it’s been horrendous again lately. It’s such a rollercoaster and you never know when the downward dip comes. I haven’t figured out yet how to bear this grief, in my case for my dad, who was also my best friend, so I don’t have any answers, but I do understand. 
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Sometimes its a relief to know that others understand because going through this huge loss makes you feel so alone , like nobody can understand how you feel , but on here , people like yourself know , you know how hard it is and how things just come from nowhere and take your breath away .
How far along are you if you dont mind me asking bless xx
Hi Tottie,
My heart goes out to you. and I totally understand your feelings and emotions! They are totally normal.
Don’t be afraid to be sad and have a good cry and definitely don’t feel ashamed about it!
I am a bit further along in my Grief Journey having lost my Mum 2.5 years ago and yesterday was the first anniversary of my Dad’s passing!
The tears happened on the Tuesday rather than the Wednesday this week!
The grief can happen at any time.
You have probably been on Auto Pilot since your dear Mum passed away and something yesterday triggered reality.
I promise you, you will get through it and that’s what your Mum would want!
Reach out on this forum, to friends and your GP. Ask your GP surgery if they have a Social Practitioner that can put you in touch with local Bereavement groups to get support.
It’s ok to be sad some of the time, it’s good to ask for help and it’s also good to talk about how you feel and your happy memories with your Mum.
Please keep in touch and take care
Remember if you are in Crisis, the Samaritans and Shout are there 24/7.
The volunteers are brilliant.
The Samaritans can be contacted on 116123 and Shout by txt ‘Shout’ to 85258
It’s what’s so great about this forum, that you can meet others who have the same experience. It’s almost 8 months for me. I don’t know how I’ve managed this far, but the forum has helped immensely. Do you have people around you that can give you support or are you alone in this?
It is a relief in a way to know that im not on my own with these feelings and that there are others who know exactly how im feeling , id never wish this pain on anyone ever but to know you are not alone in your grief is somehow comforting . I am very lucky to have a husband who supports me and who also was so close to my mum to and has been for the 25 years we have been together , he lets me talk and cry when i need to , just quietly supporting me as and when , but even though i talk to him , i cant truly explain how im feeling because unless someone has been through it i dont knkw how to express the emptiness x
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Glad to hear your husband is supportive! It is hard to fully understand when you’ve never experienced a deep loss, like you say it’s really difficult to describe the feelings and I suspect most people don’t even imagine just how bad it is until they are there. Keep reading and posting, there are so many who feel the same way. And it’s very early for you, only a few weeks, try to be kind to yourself.