Having a really bad day . Everyday is horrible but then come along a day when nothing seems right, and i just feel so alone . The slightest thing sets me off crying. Isnt it awful. Xxx
Sorry for your loss. I think weekends are the worst. This cold weather doesnt help either. All we can do is live day to day and try to function accordingly. Sometimes nothing seems to be right and how can it we have lost our soulmate so nothing will ever be the same. Sending you a hug hope you have a better day tomorrow x
Hi i can understand how you feel i just start crying over nothing and feel so alone but just can not talk to anyone like friends and family as they have still got their husbands and it feel like sometimes they get fed up listening to me so thats why i joined here as people would understand how i was feeling
Exactly that. I was watching a film where it was all couples sat in a restaurant, and i brike because i know thats never going to be me and my husband ever again. No one to hold my hand, nonone to know all our silky traits, just no one , because hes gone. And i cant bear it.
Know exactly how you feel.
I am finding it seems to be getting harder to cope each day.
I am crying everyday, all I want is my husband back - he was the only person I could truly talk to.
I have noone else. As you say ‘friends’ seem fed up when you say you are struggling - I don’t hear from them, I don’t reach out - no point. The odd one tells me to move in, go out, the other sends photos of them out with their other half saying how they’ve been out for a meal or night out - I don’t need that right now!
They don’t seem to understand the loss and heartache … They won’t as they still have their partners.
Family are not much better.
I am completely lost without him and everyday is a struggle to continue.
Here does help as people do understand xx
An old friend and I planned a video call, and it went ok for a couple of minutes, but when I mentioned that I still talk to my late wife I noticed that he was in a hurry to finish the conversation and it ended fairly quickly ! How disappointing, but it demonstrates the gulf between those who have lost someone they truly love and the rest.
I too had a bad day yesterday. It comes out of nowhere like a wave, doesn’t it. It’s horrible. You will have some days where you feel sort of ok and can function pretty well. My wife died in September, aged 46. I know the loss feels impossible to digest and too hard to believe but you know it’s all too real. Only you truly know how you feel inside, but try to switch the situation around. Ask yourself what would your husband of done if it’d been you he lost. It helps me to think of how positive and strong my wife was and I often think to myself: “What would Nic do?”
I appreciate we’re all different and people say there’s no right or wrong way to deal with the horrendous pain we all feel, but I believe there is a right way. That right way is your own way. Do whatever helps you, but I fully understand how hard it is. Take care
I find that with friends i lost my husband 3 months ago and when i try and talk to friends about how i feel some have said there is nothing you can do to bring him back we all have to go one day and some say you have got to get on with your life i am sure he would what you to be happy and the thing that makes me angry is that they still have their husbands and do not understand the pain i feel
I honestly don’t understand why they find it so difficult?
Or at least understand why we are grieving as we are?
I would prefer they actually say they’re not sure what to say, can’t imagine what we are going through, rather than being awkward or avoiding us - at least that’s being honest.
Some (in my circle) I don’t actually think care either way - very much themselves.
Another example of how inconsiderate people can be:
We had the radio on the TV at the hospital, my hubby passed away with the song from our wedding (I think that’s a sign)
Those close to me know that including this friend.
Hubby chose this song as one for his service.
At his wake this friend asked which song… I told her… she said:
Oh we were going to have that but thought it was too cheesy.
I responded (something along the lines of) well the words suit me & Baldy - clearly you don’t have a something for you both and walked off.
I would not wish this pain on anyone, and do wonder how they will cope if their partner passed away?
I know how you feel my husband was a big Chelsea fan so i had Blue is the colour as the entrance music some people looked at me as if i had gone mad but it was my husband send of and i know he would have loved it just wish my friends could understand how painful it is to loss not only your husband but your best friend we did every thing together
Good for you.
I don’t know why but, I always said to him about songs for our funerals - long before he was ill.
The songs should be about the person… Doesn’t matter what others think.
I think he knew he was going … He chose 3 songs:
Power of Love (instrumental) by Frankie Goes ato Hollywood (his favourite band). Smile by Nat King Cole (he aimed that at me) and Amazed by Lonestar (our wedding song)
The vicar said to choose one for the beginning of the service - mourners were going in before hubby … I chose “now we are free” from the film Gladiator - it was his favourite film.
Ithe songs I have thought of for mine - blimey - people won’t understand (unless they truly know me)
I’m glad you chose what meant something to you both x
@Kel2 My wife was brought into the chapel to the Theme from Voyager as she was an ardent Trekkie. We exited to Songbird by Fleetwood Mac with some Cat Stevens in between. Everyone who knew her said how appropriate this was and that she would have approved.
@Mike75 @Kel2 @sue11 morning all. I’m so sorry for all your losses. I lost my husband just over 10 weeks ago. Very suddenly and unexpectedly. Absolutely NOBODY can imagine how horrendous it is until they’ve experienced it. The people saying ‘move on’ ‘get out more’ etc have clearly never lost anyone close. And as for sending you pictures of them out with their partners, well, that’s very thoughtless and insensitive and I’d be telling them so. You certainly find out who your friends are! One of my ‘close’ friends didn’t even message to say she was sorry until 6 weeks after the event. Sorry but that’s too late, it means nothing now. My husband came in to the 1812 overture finale at his funeral because he liked the canons. We had Boston’s More Than a Feeling for reflection half way through and left to the Match Of The Day theme tune. He was very big in grassroots football I hope today brings you all a little more stability and strength. Sending love. Jean xx.
We nearly had ‘Moon Shadow’ by Cat Stevens at my husband’s … That was a firm favourite of ours and my dad’s … It was our car song
@kel2 Ours was Morning has Broken my wife’s favourite. She taught infants and they often sang this in assembly. All her colleagues present were in tears. It was our car song too.
@Jean8 so sorry for your loss.
I agree you do find out who your ‘friends’ are …
My absolute worst is the so called best friend of my husband.
He started dating one of hubby’s “ex’s” … this “Ex” was special to my hubby, but also worked to be a friend to us both (so we thought) he still held high respect for her. I liked her.
Best friend met her through us (they had a packed of never dating an ex) … We found out randomly late 2021 they were together - at this time hunny was in a deep depression didn’t take it well (friend knew his depression level … He tried suicide at one point) hunny didn’t take it well & cut ties at the time.
December 2021 hubby tried to apologise to friend saying he is still struggling with relationship but wishes them well etc,knows friendship won’t be same but at least let him meet to apologise - was ignored. This continued, my hubby trying to reach out to both (me to) … both read messages as blocked calls until hunny was diagnosed with lung disease in June 2022.
I continued trying to call, updating on his health - saying (we never at that time thought he was going to pass, but knew it was serious) … I said I don’t want them randomly seeing something that worse case he passed … Never responded. (Girl would directly without the friend saying ‘sorry’)
A week before he passed the ‘friend’ messaged me saying:
'im honouring his wishes by not being in his life (this is a message my hunny sent at his lowest & since apologised for - all read)
I replied including the girl saying, Shame you didn’t honour that at the time!
When I was told he wouldn’t see Christmas inphinedvthe girl through messagenger (he blocked me) told her the situation & if friend had any heart should see/speak to hubby … She said she’d tell him that night. Hubby passed 2 days later - nothing!
After I notified the relevant people I posted on FB his passing.
‘friend’ messaged me a week later saying ‘sorry for your loss?
I’ll remember our good times, he was like a brother to me’ …
My reply in short was I can’t forgive him for his treatment of a so called brother - I said yes at time he reacted badly, but had an excuse as such with the depression & tried to apologise - what was his excuse?)
my husband cried when I told h I tried reaching out with no joy - hubby was not wrong! That haunts me.
I personally messaged them.vith with the funeral details (wasn’t stopping them) nothing… They never came, no message of paying their respect - her dad left a message of respect & contributed to his chosen charity - them nothing!
I did message that I was disappointed - nothing.
It’s shocking!!! My hubby absolutely loved this guy (I never understood it - guess I was right) … He died broken that he didn’t apologise to him?
I’m SO angry at this!!
For me& my friends I can deal with being let down, I’m used to it… but hubby - no, that kills me!
Below you will see who I mention as those who have randomly been there for me - the Waiter in Canaries - sent photos last week he had on his phone of me, hubby, him & so called friend. I forwarded these to ‘friend’ he’s seen them - nothing?!!!
Weirdly for me those who have been most supportive are ones that we met along the way - only through what’s app or messenger, but they keep a check on me.
One is from a band in Canada (he has been most supportive & has struggled himself with my husband’s passing) this band are who got us together! (Back in the days of MySpace, hubby & I got chatting about this band - led to us having an amazing relationship) … Admittedly recently I’m acting as a bit if an agony aunt for him with women troubles … Suppose it helps occupy me .the early hours (for me this happens between 1-4am)
The other is a waiter at a hotel we loved in the Canaries (again he is struggling to come to terms with hubby, he only spoke with him the week before) … I always knew he was amazing, but hearing others talk about him - I really wish he was here & could hear it himself!
My “oldest friend” messaged on what’s app a couple days before his funeral - said she is sorry, will think of us.
She messaged last week asking how I was - I said I was struggling… Reply ‘sorry to hear that’
Friends (& family) are shocking.
My cousin was the same as friends - I needed to use her printer before his service (I was creating his order of service myself & wanted to check I had the layout right)
She said 'you need to come out, enjoy yourself, come dancing with me)? … Erm, no & no. (Dancing - not me for starters)I ended up buying a printer myself, I printed his order of service (was chuffed with myself… More so when there were compliments on it at the wake)
I have limited my contact with many (those with the photos etc)
Trouble with me is, I know when it comes to it - I will be there for them … Would love to say ‘see how you like it/told you so’ kind of thing - but that’s not me.
Love that you had Match of the Day theme tune … Those that knew your husband would understand and appreciate that!
I think hubby is ‘glad’ he went before me … one of mine would be “Swing on a Star” … Do t know why but for some reason that sing has stuck with me when I’m busy doing something (several work axes hate me for it & hubby. Lol) … When it comes to the ‘mules ears’ he would do them
… he always said - I hope I go before you because everyone will look at me like a wierdo doing an ‘ear’ motion. Lol x
Morning Alyson x
I’m sending you the biggest of hugs.
It is absolutely awful your right but we are always here for you