Struggling today anxiety levels high feeling sick head banging, I know it’s only 4weeks today for me I’m having a lock the door on the world day just want to scream
17 months on and today’s a wobble day for me too. But they are getting fewer and I know how to ride them, they vary in how painful they are but I know it passes. For me I keep busy, but know when I need to rest. You will find your way Liz, we all do, from somewhere we find the strength, I’m pretty sure it’s from knowing my husband remains close to me. Recalling memories still painful but not always, such is progress and it helps. Take one day at a time, it’s the only way and if you feel like shutting the world out, cry and scream, it’s normal. Even though it feels so far from normality of losing your partner. You just want to turn the clock back.
15 months yesterday was my husband’s funeral, every Saturday is a bad day for me, he passed away on Saturday 19th May 2018. not had one single day where I’ve not shed a tear.
some days aren’t as bad as other days and I’m still trying to come to terms with knowing he’s not coming back, it’s not an easy road we are now having to travel.
hope today will be an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow an improvement on today
Stay strong Liz, 6 months on im still wobbling but I am getting stronger, you will too, don’t fight it lock your door scream and shout, your entitled. X
Thank you everyone your all so supportive on this site and I have a very supportive family I do like using this site as I can say thing here that I probably wouldn’t to my family just keep thinking 5 weeks ago he was here I know he’s now in a better place and not suffering and he will always be with me in my heart x
Thing is no matter how much we are hurting we are mindful of other people’s grief (as in our family) and as such cannot show them the full extent of our pain (probably have us locked up) but here you cannot say anything that not one of us has thought or felt albeit in different degrees. Keep coming back on your dark days for support and on your good days to show others that there is a way forward. X
I only found this site yesterday and I am so relieved to know there are people out there who understand and that I can let it all out here. I do have a few friends I can be truly honest with, but they (lucky people) have not been bereaved in this way, having lost only parents. I may be being stupid and insensitive, but I can’t quite see that losing an elderly parent can be as appalling as losing the love of your life, the one main person who was the foundation of your world, the person who gave you joy simply by existing. I look at my husband’s older children (from his first marriage) and see them getting on with their life, looking after their children, going to work, even taking a big family holiday in the week before their father died, while he was bed-ridden and rapidly deteriorating, and I don’t see that their grief can be anything like as debilitating as what I am feeling…I can’t function, can’t eat properly, cry all the time, hurt all over, can’t concentrate, can’t remember anything…etc etc etc.
And then I come on this site and find lots of people in the same place and it is so incredibly helpful to know you’re out there and that you understand and that we’re all struggling together.
Dear Bulstrode, I am so sorry you find yourself here. Losses are very different and who’s to say that one loss is worse than another. They’re all very real to the individual. Some might be easier to overcome while some can never be overcome. However, I understand perfectly where you’re coming from. We have lost the one person we expected to spend the rest of our lives with and yes, it is debilitating. So whilst I’m sorry you find yourself in this place, I am glad you have found this forum. It has provided me with strength, comfort and understanding and continues to do so. I hope it does the same for you. As the Queen Mother once said and at the risk of repeating a platitude, " It doesn’t get any better, you just get better at it…" or words to that effect. More than two years along my grief journey and I can tell you that is absolutely correct. Sending love to you Bulstrode. xx
There’s no yardstick you can use in bereavement. Everyone goes their own way. Losing an elderly parent can be as devastating as losing a child. I know, many may disagree, but life is life and a loved one is a loved one no matter what age or gender or the circumstances. There is no possible way to measure individual grief, it’s such a personal process.
We may say, well, an old person has had their life, but how do we cope with the death of a child who has it’s life before it? I have no idea because I have never lost a child.
Unless we experience this awful pain how can we know. Yup!!! You are right Kate, as always. We do get better at it. I’m getting better coping but still in pain at times. Tears still come. Yes, guys do cry! Take care all. Love and Blessings.
Bulstrode I’m sorry for your loss, it’s utter heartbreaking and devastating for you, however I’m also totally devastated at my dads sudden death 14 weeks ago, he was a’healthy’ 81 year old I’m also supporting my mum’s palpable grief. Grief is individual if my father had been ill before I would have been off work and at his side as much as possible. I’m still off work as all I think of is him and most of the problems you also have, I’m not upset at what you said just had to say not everyone is like your step children, hope you take good care of yourself think we have to just cope one day or hour at a time and don’t set too many expectations on yourself,
I completely understand. My husband was killed 7 weeks ago. We were married 24 years. He was loved by so many people who loved him but their grief seems world away from mine. I see them being able to get on with life, enjoying themselves , posting life events on Facebook. I cannot even manage to talk most days. Every day is dreadfully full of tears and complete sadness. People want to fix me and act concerned I am not able to cope. This is different for me in every way than their grief.
7 weeks for me now. Every day is another level of sadness and anxiety for me.