Bad days

I cannot seem to see any point in anything. I feel I am just living each day waiting to die and be with my partner again. I thought I was coping a little better last week and did do some things with friends but this week I don’t want to do anything. Just sit on sofa and cry. I have an appointment with a “Listener” at my doctors on Friday and still hope to find a support group but to be honest it all seems pointless as they cannot give me what I want my partner back. We did everything together. I cannot watch the tv shows we watched together and everywhere I go all I do is remember us being there together. I really do not want to feel so sad but nothing can make me feel better anymore. Family and friends can not replace him. I always said I loved him too much.

Oh Lizzed, I’m so sorry to hear how you feel. It comes and goes. Today I’m not good, but yesterday I saw some hope. Yes, pointless is the word, why bother? But however bad you feel now the process of time does help. I know it does take time to level off, and we will never forget, but maybe feel less pain. I have found, after 10 months, that it gradually has eased. But if you are in the initial stages then time will hang heavily for a while. There is no magic wand for grief. It seems it’s a process we have to go through.
I had real problems with memories. My wise neighbour told me not to make any major moves for at least a year. She was right as I had thought about moving. But you take memories with you.
Don’t try and stop memories, they will come like it or not, but see them as a reminder of good times and the privilege it was to be with our partner so long.
I do hope you manage to find a support group because your need is great. Counselling can be very helpful. Anything is good that gives you some little comfort. Just a little is a lot in grief.
Take care and please come back and unload. We all listen because we know. Bless you.

Thank you Jonathon. I just feel so desperate at times and struggle to motivate myself. But being able to unload myself here does help and kind words from people like yourself make a difference . Why us ? Everything happens for a reason they say ! Hope we eventually find out why and it eases this terrible sadness.

‘This terrible sadness’. Oh yes, almost unbearable. But I have always consoled myself by asking what my wife would have wanted of me. To be miserable and lonely? No way. It’s so difficult to see WHY. But if we spend our time in anger either with God or someone close, we increase our emotional burden.
I agree, in the beginning there seems no point in anything. But as time passes little steps turn to big ones. It’s so difficult for you to feel much at the moment, and my words may sound a bit hollow. But we all speak from personal experience and each individual will cope in their own way.
There is no time limit to grief, but we should try and make an effort to overcome inertia. ‘What’s the point’ can so easily turn to anxiety. Our emotions turn in on us.
But we need to take it slowly. A day or an hour at a time. Your emotions will go up and down at first but will level off.
Take care and bless you.

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