Hello to everyone on here, I lost my husband last yr on the 26th October 2023.
Still cant believe it and hate the life i am living or should I say existing , that sounds a bit bitter which i am trying not to be.
Last night i had an awful dream, I dreamt my husband was still alive , I was looking out to the sea, somewhere where we liked to be.
I couldn not see him , then he came and stood beside me , i felt so relieved he was there ,i felt safe and secure , then I woke up and realised he wasn’t alive anymore and the reality was he was dead
How often do we dream someone has died and wake up and say thank God, it was just a dream, but in my case the it was ‘oh God no’ it was a dream but he was alive and then the realisation of him being dead was just awful. 
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Love to us all who are going through this awul nightmare. 
I must admit I’ve had a couple of dreams where my husband was with me and everything seemed normal. The last one I had I was able to hug him and it felt so real, but then I woke up and he was gone. As you say we are just existing now. I lost my husband in February this year but at the moment I seem to be having a really bad time, perhaps that’s why I had that nice dream the other night. My friends try to help but unless you’ve experienced what we’re going through you can’t really relate, which is why this site has become such a help to me, particualrly during my darkest days. Take care Gail xx
I also had a dream about my husband last night. It will be 17 weeks since he passed next Tuesday. In my dream I was looking everywhere for him. I had family around me but when I found him I couldnt reach him. Woke up crying again. I fear its not going to be a good day ,not that any day is really good now without him. take care everyone. Ann
So sorry for your loss.
That is the thing about dreams , they can feel so real, and when you wake up specially in our case , it is devastating .
I at the moment am very depressed, tired, aches and pains , getting a little bit bitter which i am trying not to be , but its hard work
It is a hard , lonely road we on here are having to walk .
I am 68, retired , look after my grandchildren which my husband and i used to do together, thank God for the grandchildren but the youngest starts school next yr, then i will have loads of time in my hands which i used to say to my husband we will be lost then but will find other things to do with our time.
But now hes not here , i just dread the future and the loneliness that cones with it.
I have a good family, my sister and her family, a couple of lovely friends but i just feel so terribly alone.
I used to feel so lucky with my life, of course there were days when i was fed up or in a mood about something but that is normal for most people,but this life now is just torture .
Look after yourself 
I too have grandchildren but I don’t look after them regularly. They don’t live that far away so most weekends my daughter will bring them over for a visit. They are 11 and 6, the 11 year old (boy) is very sensitive and has been so lovely to me after his grandad died, the 6 year old is very sweet and full of energy so she can be exhausting.
This loneliness is so hard. I had never really lived on my own before, apart from about 6 weeks when I first went to University. I met my husband when I was in my first year and spent the next, almost, 44 years with him so am finding this hard. Also when I do go out sometimes it’s awful, depending on my state of mind, as everyone else seems to be in happy little couples. I sometimes wonder about getting a house with my daughter and her family or even getting a house with my aged mum, she’s nearly 92, but not sure. Many people say that I shouldn’t make any big decisions for a while but it’s hard when you know that you don’t want to be alone.
I’m now 65, get my state pension next year, and ever since it happened I keep feeling different aches and pains but the doctor has been dreadful so I might just give up with them! Take care and hope you get some okay days in with this darkness.
I do understand the exhaustion in looking after grandchildren , my grandaughter who is starting school next yr is 3 and she is areal live wire , theday after having looked after her , i am fit for nothing ,but it is something to look forward to as she is so loving towards me and we have fun together.
I don’t drive, i live in a village so am isolated that way as well, have to rely on family to take me places which i hate as i am so independent.
I too think about selling up and moving into the town next to village where i live and where my son and daughter in law live, but as you said i was told the same thing do not make any big decisions or life changes in the first yr of losing your husband.
We were together 50 yrs , I was 17 and he was 20 , a lifetime together 
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As i read often from others in this group , we didn’t choose this way of life, it was dealt to us which makes it so much harder, i think i should be relaxing ,enjoying life, having fun with my husband and family , not looking for a new way of life, having to make decisions on my own , watching every penny I spend.
I used to be able to go into a shop and see clothes i liked for my grandchildren and buy them, but now i cant do that, as that is another factor of losing your husband, the financial side of things , i get by, but i have to be careful, which i find very cruel as well as we had got to that stage in life that money was not such an issue any more either😢.
I have 4 Grandchildren, 18, 8, 6, and 3 yrs of age , the eldest has just started university and i think how ironic that is , he is starting on a new way of life as well 
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Take care.
I had similar dream where I am looking for him and he is saying he is in the hospital where he died.I see myself crying and showing my broken heart to him.
I do sometimes to the hospital have a coffee there feel relaxed .
Hospital was my home for 17 days…