Bad Monday

To all the lively kind Mums and Dads who are with me on this site. I had quite a good start with my bed and breakfasts guests. However my odd job guys came to do some work and Pete had me in tears first of all. Then I met a friend for a cuppa whom I had not seen since the funeral so was weepy again. Then a friend who has been my rock since Lisa was first diagnosed as having got worse with her condition and also has a daughter with a rare condition, messaged to ask how I was and btw I have cancer!!! That knocked me off my feet completely.
So I headed into town later and found there were ghosts everywhere. I was looking for Lisa waiting for me somewhere, sitting in a cafe waiting or just getting Brooke’s buggy into the car. I felt so utterly lonely today without her. Missing her do much today.
Love and hugs to you all. Kate xx

Im so sorry for the sad loss of your daughter , my son died of a rare from of bone marrow failure on june 28th , I find it impossible to describe the pain I feel , he was so brave and looked forward all through his illness , im angry he was taken away before he had the chance to see his son grow up , and do all the things he wanted to do , every day is a struggle with out him ,my oldest son is struggling too with out his brother, but like you i feel so lonely in my grief xxx

It is the worst pain anyone could feel. I too am broken at the thought of Lisa not seeing her little girl grow up and Brooke being without her Mummy.
Some days are so black I cant seem to think of anything but her dying moments.
Other days I can go through the day with positive thoughts and I am hoping there will be more of those days. Lisa too was so positive in her life, so happy with her partner and wee girl. She loved her career as a wedding florist and helped her older sister with her business too.
Jemma is so lost without her sister. She is heartbroken but now managing to work again.
I don’t know how we go on from day to day but we do and I hope with all my heart that you can find a way to remember the best times of your sons life.
I am just so thankful that Lisa had a full and happy life and was never disabled by her condition.
I wish you love and strength and hope.
Kate xxx

How are you feeling today? I have been thinking about you.
For myself, after a bad start to the week something has changed in me. I feel more positive ad although I miss Lisa so much I am thinking about her life and her all round happiness which has given me such a lift.
I took our little Brooke to swimming yesterday and she is such a joy. Filled my heart with butterflies as she made me laugh so much. She is only 3 and a half but she is like 40 with her funny little saying she has picked up from us.
Also, I run a bed and breakfast in the Hifhlands and I started taking guests again at the start of this month. Being busy with this and our holiday cottages has given me things to focus on and be the best I can be at what I do.
I am sending my love and strength to you today.
Look ahead now, it’s the only thing we can do
Kate xxxxx

Hello Katie , feeling bad today Christopher’s plaque went up today, took some flowers but couldn’t help thinking this is what it’s come to a plaque and a bunch of flowers, I am working a lot as it helps to be with other people who to be fair have been fantastic, hopefully when I take his son out next weekend it will give him and me some comfort, , no one knows what it’s like to lose a child unless you have , but we are lucky to have our wonderful grandchildren they gave us , I’m so pleased your granddaughter helps you , they are so precious, we were talking about visiting Scotland before Chris passed away, as never been to that part of the country, may I take max his son one day , I do hope everything goes well for you , thank you for your encouraging words, please keep in touch Bev

Hi Bev. I know that must be so heart wrenching.
My husband wants a stone at our local cemetery even though Lisa was cremated. I am too raw yet to think of that and will wait till I am stronger.
Lisa is in a pot on the windowsill and when I visit their flat I pick it up and hold it close. So sad to think of the way they were and are now.
Our elder daughter is home again this weekend. She is having reiki once a week for a month. She feels it is helping with her knotted stomach and the pain she feels at losing her wee sister.
I hope you have a fun time with your grandson. They are our link to our beloved children.
My heart sings when I am with our little one, she gives so much love. Also I see her Mummy’s mannerisms often. It lifts my spirits.
I hope you do come to the Highlands some time.
If so when we are both a little more healed you should come and stay with us.
Hoping you have a good day and feel at peace.
Kate xxx

Hi Katie thank you for your reply,my oldest son is struggling with Chris’s passing badly, lm trying to help him , I’m having max Monday as Christopher’s plaque has gone up and going to put some flowers there , people keep saying time will heal but at the moment I can’t see it, he is my son and i miss him so much, xx

I know. I miss lisa with every beat of my heart but we need to hold on to our memories of our children as they were as babies as young children and young adults and what they were and are to us and others. Lisa will always be with us as Christopher will be with you in your heart and in your soul.
Hope the sun will shine on you today and give you hope and peace.
With love, Kate xxx

This scottish poem was sent to me after Lisa’s passing. It is so comforting and it was read by a dear friend at the service.

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