Beautiful Mum

My mum 91 though quite spritely, totally blind in a care home for the last 2 years. Very fortunate to have friends and family, was taken into hospital on 11/4 I spoke only to her due to the current situation only once, I even recorded it so the rest of the family could hear she was ok and to put their minds at rest. Unfortunately that was our last conversation. She unfortunately was hit with covid 19 and died 25/4. I last saw her March the 8th, my heart is truly broken, never cried so much or felt so much pain. I’m tortured with the thought she was alone & maybe thought we didn’t care. I’m the youngest out of her 3 daughters, our dad died at 51 when I was 10 so she really had been everything to me. I’ve never been on a bereavement site think I am truly looking for solace.
Can’t see family due to this Virus and funeral only 10 allowed, she deserved so much more! We will do a memorial for her eventually, suppose I’m asking is it normal to be so upset, annoyed, angry and a little depressed I think.

Hi. Catherine. Welcome. Yes it is absolutely right to feel angry, anxious annoyed and depressed. Allow all the emotions to come. no ‘bottling up’ or trying to fight them off. We have all felt these emotions to a greater or lesser degree. NEVER regard your self as odd or different. You will, of course, grieve in your own way, but never blame yourself or feel any guilt about how you feel
Loss is a big life trauma and the pain you feel now may go on for some time. If you can accept that this is all part of the grieving process it may help ease the pain a little. Small baby steps at first. Trying to rush things helps not at all. Grief will take it’s time so if you can go with the flow with acceptance in your heart you may well feel a little better. But, as said before, it’s too early to think about much other than what has to be done. Try not to burden yourself with unnecessary guilt. No one knows what will happen from day to day.
Take care of yourself. Look after those who mourn with you. Stay together with love in your hearts for each other. John.

Jonathan, Lovely kind words, Thankyou so very much.

Hello Catherine, yes everything Jonathan says is right and you need to look after yourself right now, times are tough in this big scary world. Please don’t think you mum was on her own, the nursing staff are all wonderful regarding the end on life care on ICU’s. Plus I don’t believe we are ever left alone coming to the end of our life on this earth. We are helped to move to the next phase and escorted along the road. She will have been well looked after. Please take care of yourself now, that is the priority. Bled and take care. S

Thankyou so comforting, bless you.

Hi Catherine, I’m going through the same right now. My mum died on 20/4 (not Covid) it was unexpected. She had been in hospital for 4 weeks in February from a suspected UTI. Long story short she was discharged and last time I saw her was 16/3. She got taken back in as was unwell again on 13/4 alone and a week later 20/4 she died. I feel like my insides are being ripped out.

Hi Debnchloe, it is awful this whole situation at the moment, and the hardest thing I think for us to cope with is that we couldn’t be with them at most vulnerable time in their lives, I’m sure though they understood the situation but your right doesn’t make it any easier, but they know we loved them and I think it’s natural to feel hard on yourself, as plenty of people have said to me to be kind to myself, we must remember the good times, none of us perfect & we all have regrets, that will hopefully fade in time.
Please be kind to yourself and hold onto the love you have in your heart, take care lovely x

Thank you Catherine. The way I’m thinking is that my mum was very confused when she was in hospital (apart from the 1 day where staff had said she was able to speak which was halfway through the week) anyway, the only way I can feel some sort of calm is to think that she wasn’t aware of being alone. I’m so glad I’ve been able to speak with others in this situation at this time as it’s helping as the past few weeks have been unbearable as I’m sure they have been for you too. Ours has been even more difficult due to us not being able to be with our mum’s but all we can do is take care of ourselves like you say and hang onto the good memories. Take care and lovely to speak with you xx

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