I was widowed a few months ago and I’m beside myself with grief. I just can’t control my emotions and I desperately need some coping strategies.
Hi @Kay121. That sounds pretty normal for the first few weeks and months, when you can’t see any future, and we dont know where to go. If you haven’t done so far, please explore some counselling or therapy. Just talking to someone about your feelings makes a huge difference. I did a course of hypnotherapy, which was superb at helping me to stop dragging up damaging and hurtful thoughts.
At some stage we accept that our future is going to be different. Wether we want it or not makes no difference, its just the way it is.
The biggest step forward I took at this stage is to decide what I wanted my new life to be. I wrote a list of the important things, such as where to live, how to behave, how to finance myself, relationships etc etc. Bit by bit I moved towards these goals. I decided I wanted to be an old man who sat outside cafes and pubs with my dogs chatting to anyone who would listen. I think I saw myself as being a bit like Foggy Dewhurst. Ive become an expert at which cafes have the best cakes!
After 20 months, my life is now pretty good, although Im often found talking to my wife about life, such as what her dogs have got up to.
I still have odd emotional moments, and an odd tear or two, but I’m happy with my life again.
Be confident that your life won’t be forever as you feel at the moment
Hi @Kay121 so sorry for your loss, this journey we’ve been forced to take is a shit show. I lost my husband 17 weeks ago today and I cry every day. What I’m learning is, is that there is no right and wrong way to do grief. We all do it differently and for me I’m taking one day at a time. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for the next. I’ve been back at work for 5 weeks and literally feel like I put on a mask for work. I’m so stuck and I don’t know what to do, I literally can’t make any decisions. I’ve got a week off work next week and was planning to pack up Steve’s stuff but I don’t know if I can? Do you have support around you?
17 weeks and 4 days since I lost my husband.
I think shit show just about covers it!
My sensible head tells me that I will come through the other side but my heart says different.
I feel exactly the same, I’m drained from crying and I have no clue what to do going forward. We did everything together and I just don’t know how to be just me
We’ll have to take one day at a time and hopefully we’ll be crying a bit less each week.