Been left behind

In so much pain I’ve been left behind with 4 children cancer I hate you sat in tears I don’t no how to cope with this pain I have to be strong my son has special needs and it’s been heartbrakeing his dad my Ste was sent home to die given 2 to 3 days I don’t no wot I though was going to happen but wot did happen was just horrible seeing him suffer pain cry out he did 7 days I sat by his side for the 7 holding his hand my poor kids 11 17 13 16 we coudlint even have a fruneral due to my son medical needs I’ve had my Ste ashes back for a week now I’ve had nothink but problems every day since trying to keep my self bizzy but to day I feel terable I miss him so much even when he was in hospital he would video call all day long talk see the Kidz it’s just empty sorry if I am not makeing any sence and my spelling can just about see my phone sitting in the garden so the Kidz done see me cry again

Hi. Bumpy. Welcome. Now that is sad and my heart goes out to you as I am sure does everyone on this site. No apologies necessary. It’s a wonder you can type let alone reach out. It’s good that you have because you are among friends here who know only too well what you are going through. It is so difficult for children to understand loss. They think mum and dad are permanent features in their lives, and when something happens can go into denial, disbelief. The older ones may understand more. You have them to look after, and while you will still be in mental pain, they will need your love and attention. Please come back and talk to us.
Bless you. Sending my love and prayers. John.

Thankyou I dont no how am doing this my partner passed in the liveingroom and my son woudlint go In so I’ve tried my best to change it kept my self bizzy did the garden and made a bench with his name on for the Kidz to sit at just feel like am doing everythink wrong miss him so much Ste was the handy man but I’ve given it a good go an last night my son sat With us down stairs but he’s asked why I don’t cry why am I happy he just doesn’t understand I carnt cry Infront off the Kidz sorry I feel like am just not makeing sence it’s feels good to talk thankyou

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. That is so tragic.

You have done well to try and keep yourself busy and make things as well as they can possibly be for your children. You should be proud of yourself. Your son is probably confused, as he associates crying with being sad, and so if you don’t cry in front of him, he might think you don’t love his dad. I don’t know how you should approach this with you son, maybe other parents who have had to try and keep it together and not cry in front of their children can tell you which approach they took.

You don’t need to apologise for spelling or not making sense, everyone here understands what you wrote, and talking can definitely help, so please feel free to post as much as you need to. There is also free online counselling available should you feel you might benefit by talking to a counsellor. Both Sue Ryder and Cruse provide this.

Thankyou it really does help it’s so hard to keep going but I promised Ste I would I no I can just miss him really do I’ve never felt anythink like this befor both my mum and dad are still her with us so this is my first at this 22 years together and 4 children for hi. To just go poof like that my head just carnt get rd it thanks for Lisoning it really is helping

He only had a 6 months fight an even though we new he was going to go it’s just horrible

When people listen to us, it can help a lot. I am glad it is helping you to know there are people here who will listen to you whenever you need to talk.

That is good that your parents are alive. Do they live close to you? Will they be able to help to maybe talk to your children about grief? Maybe they could explain to them why mummy doesn’t cry in front of them?

There are others here in a very similar situation to you, hopefully they will see your post and respond, as sharing our experiences of grief can really help us to cope better.

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No both my mum and dad are frail dad is house bound and mum just had heart opp but they are there at the end off the phone Xxxx

Oh, sorry to hear they’re frail, hope they have a decent life ahead, that is good they are there for you on the phone.

Hopefully someone else will be able to talk to you about which approach they took when discussing grief with their children. Hugggsss.

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Hi Bumpy247
I think even when you have time to prepare there isnt really anything that does truly prepare us. Looking after their needs daily sitting with them, talking sharing what time we have left and then in one split second we are truly broken. They are gone forever and not a thing prepares us for such a loss.
When my mum passed I was lost but I had my partner by my side. When my sister died again I had my partner. Each loss felt different. Different emotions.
When my partner of 28 years passed it was like nothing else I have felt. We only had 2 wks to prepare ourselves. Even if we had longer it would have still felt like my whole world had fallen to pieces.
I am and always will be truly broken inside.
Time i know will mend some pieces but nothing will ever be the same again.
Knowing this I just allow myself to go with the flow. I know I cannot control any aspect of what i feel at any given time except my tears. I have a bath and the tears flow. No one knows they all think i am okay and thats better for me. I dont like sympathy makes me emotional.
My children are older and I know they have suffered this loss they to will never get over this but each hour, day ,week they will find it easier as we all do. I dont know how but it just begins to fit like a puzzle that always has the lost piece. I look forward to the time we will meet again

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Thankuou for your reply am so sorry for everythink you have been through my heart is broken I’ve not felt pain like it I do the same cry in the bathroom trying to be strong for my children but I am struggling I really am I miss him so much him not beeing there on are doughters first day in big school broke me seeing my disabled son go back to school haveing been off sick for a year an trying to smile while in side am crushed truly crushed I hope it’s not like this forever sorry crying as I type I’ve kept my self bizzy it was helping but passed few days the way I feel is taken over me x

You poor darling. I haven’t had your experiences but just wanted you to know I am thinking of you (for what that’s worth when you don’t even know me):.
I hope you manage to cope. Keep strong. Xx

Thankyou it means alot to no there is others there I don’t have much family and the family I do have are frail and I carnt see them as to far away I hope things get easer I won’t to be the best mum I can be to my amazing children they have been so strong and amazing my son turns 18 in a couple off weeks an won’t him to have a nice day but the pain off his dad not beeing there is crushing me I think I mite have to ring the doctors I never ever go an find it so hard to say how am feeling but I carnt see how I can carry on with this crushing pain any more sorry am just going on an on my head is in a million places

That’s ok sweetheart. We are all over the place in our heads. Take each day as it comes. I am assured it gets better to cope with, so I am hanging onto that.
Hugs, Ann

Hi Bumpy

I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

It’s good that you are considering contacting your GP, they will be able to help. Also bear in mind Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Take care,

Mick

Online Community team