Beginning the second year

Losing a partner
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Hello,

Well, I’ve survived the anniversary of my wife’s passing, I guess. I’m finding myself feeling rather numb as of late. I don’t know if it’s a blessing but one thing I’ve learned about grief. If it’s supposed to hit you, it will eventually. The brain is like the rest of the body. Sometimes it needs healing too and it will do what’s needed to do that healing whether we want it or not.

I really tried to avoid the fact that this was the day my world changed forever but unfortunately I still get flashbacks of the moment I saw her and knew that she was gone. I screamed and moaned and felt that feeling in the gut that I’d never felt before. And then I felt calm, or more likely went into shock.

It’s been like a bad dream ever since. The shock has now pretty much worn off and the reality of it all has replaced it. I am beginning to understand why the last year was easier than the next will be. But that’s OK. Somehow, I hope to use my garden along with the memorial garden that I created for her as a means of healing.

It’s gotten a bit rough around the edges and to be honest, in the middle the last couple of years. As my wife declined, I had no time to tend to my hobby because she deserved the best and I intended to give it to her. I think I did pretty good.

So now I do as all of us have done after that first year. See if I can move on. To be honest, there’s a chance that I can’t. I don’t know. Only time will tell.

On another note, I know I post at odd times because of the time difference but that’s OK. Just writing this stuff out helps a lot. If I don’t get a lot of responses, I understand, but I like this group. You guys totally understand and that helps a lot when in those times when I think I might be crazy.

Peace to all

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I’m just a few months on, but like you, I stopped doing ‘my things’ so I could look after Nigel in his last months.
The garden was one of his things and I’m determined to nurture what he started but also I’m trying to find ways back to the things I enjoyed…photography, diving and walking and I know he’d be proud of me for doing all those things that identified us as individuals and as a couple.
I’m sure you’ve honoured your wife many times and in many ways, and will continue to do so…and I hope that you can find a way to honour yourself too with her memorial garden.
Hugs

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Dear @cclay I resonate with what you wrote about “The brain is like the rest of the body. Sometimes it needs healing too and it will do what’s needed to do that healing whether we want it or not”
I am learning to allow this to happen at the moment. Thank you for writing this.

This community is really comforting and supporting. We all have our own process but we recognise the pain and that is precious.

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We all have different ways of grieving ,like you said in your post it takes time.

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The numbness of shock can be useful as a break from pain.

I hope to be able to get back into the garden and enjoy it.
At the moment, I see everything he worked on and the cry.

I will keep on trying but it doesn’t feel the same. I suppose it never will.

Will look forward to hearing about your work in the garden.

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