Being able to cry for my mum

I dont know how to explain it but im unable to cry for my mum she passed 27th October 2022 from pancreatic cancer i managed to see her on the 11th october 2022 we made plans for her to come to wales and enjoy a weekend by the sea as she loved porthcawl but i was away camping and i received that phone call and still to this day i cant find a way to beleive it
I feel ashamed that i havent shown any emotion for her but the pain of not hearing from her daily burns and all im doing is eating and now im so fat i need new clothes .
Plus i have nothing from my mum yet as her partner doesnt want visitors yet feel so lost and alone

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Hello @Enicholls84 ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling guilty for not showing emotion and crying, this must be so difficult you but grief is a unique journey each person will walk in their way. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,