Bereaved by Suicide

My partner Mark killed himself last week. He hung himself. I didn’t even know he had depression. He was so happy and such a fun guy to be around. There were no signs at all. I haven’t stopped crying. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, feel physically sick. I know it was only a week ago and all this is normal as part of the grieving process but I just know how I’ll cope without him in my life everyday. We had so many plans for the future. This feeling is so sooooo unbearable.

Is there anyone out there who’s lost a partner to suicide?

Hi Abby
Sorry to hear about your loss. I know the pain you are feeling. My partner hung himself 3 months ago today. The pain and confusion is so unbearable. I was a complete mess the first month after, felt like I was living in a trance, wasn’t eating or sleeping and was so angry and just kept asking why. I know it doesn’t feel like it now…people would say it gets better in time and I would want to scream at them but it does. At the moment I have days when it’s bearable and some where I just cry all day. Your not on your own. It is really hard but try to be gentle on yourself x

My husband hanged himself 18 months ago. He had no history of depression and was the kindest man you.could meet. I feel so guilty for nor realising how ill he was. The depression seemed to come on so suddenly it was as though someone had cast a spell on him. Now with hindsight I can see the signs and feel so so guilty. We were married for 37 years together for 40. My daughter has been very ill as a result of her fathers suicide and I have been caring for her but although I appear to be coping I am screaming inside.I know that such severe depression is an illness and am not angry with my husband just devastated that he must have been in such torment but I feel that life is now meaningless and I am so angry with myself.

Hi Abby, I lost my husband the same way 10 months ago. I have found the support group SOBS (survivors of bereavement by suicide) invaluable.
We meet once a month. You can find your nearest support group on their website. Time doesn’t heal but time enables you to begin to find your way through the ‘fog.’ I hope you get the support you need.