Bereavement affecting life now

Hello, I lost my dad, my most precious person ever, in the pandemic. It’s 9 months today and I feel worse than ever. My husband has been amazing, BUT I feel so isolated from him, he has done things to make me feel better and gives me the space I need, but I fear if I don’t engage back soon… How on earth do you live after a loss, I can’t seem to do it, please tell me how you all manage, I feel so sorry for him he’s been amazing but I just can’t get back into life - I feel like I want to be alone all the time, that’s not the relationship we had, I feel terrible for him xx Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me :’( x

Hi. My Mum died last Feb. I have three kids 8, 7 and 5 and my husband. I go through the motions and do occasionally find joy in life but I’m exhausted all the time. I often just want to be on my own. I am a teacher and have enjoyed working. But then I am emotionally drained when I get home. My husband has also been great but all I do is cry xxx

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Hi TCT,

I lost my dad 19 months ago. I isolated myself for nearly 9 months - which is the point where you are. I also had the realization that my husband and kids were not receiving the attention they normally do from me. That is just part of grieving and your husband understands. Obviously, it is not a sustainable way to live. As you realize it more and more, you will naturally regain your normalcy and re-engage with your family and friends.
At the point where I am now, I hide my feelings from my family and grieve privately. It no longer consumes my every waking thought. Thats what people mean when they say that it gets better with time. In time, you become better at compartmentalizing.

The key for me was that I did not want to regret missing out on life - we are still here afterall. At 19 months, I can function, be fun again, enjoy small talk, and concentrate on projects.

This forum has helped me tons.

Warmly,
Ell

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Hello Lisa2, Bless you I know how you feel, the days are such a struggle, I feel like I just don’t want to get up in the morning, but I have to - grief is so exhausting, I’m happier alone in my thoughts right now, but I feel so selfish, I just can’t seem to ‘live’ again, the situation doesn’t help mind you xx Sending you hugest hugs thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post :yellow_heart:

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Hello EllDubs, Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post xx I feel the same, but no part of me feels ready to ‘live’ again, it may be the situation, it’s probably me though, I’m only happy when I’m asleep and the pain goes away, then I wake up, and I check my finger where I wear my dad’s ring, and it tells me it’s all real, it really did all happen. And the world crashes around me all over again but I have to get up for my family, maybe that’s why they were sent to me huh, I don’t think I’d do it without them :frowning: If I could have just has 5 minutes with my dad xx The torture of not seeing him and saying goodbye is just hideous xx

Hi TCT
Yes I remember the days where sleep was the only break. Waking up and for a brief second life seems normal until you re-remember that your dad is gone. Being human sucks sometimes. I did not get to say good bye either. But I never want to have to do that. Most of the time, I want to be with him and hug him. One day, I hope that we aill reunite.
Take it day by day … it will improve.
Ell

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Thank you. I read on your other post about your Dad’s ring. I also wear my Mum’s ring. I had another made to go with with her ashes. It does bring me comfort but it also reminds me that it is true.
I also noticed that you didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t get to say goodbye either. It was just before the pandemic but she had a pulmonary embolism. I had a cup of tea with her two days before and we were making plans with the kids. I spoke to her on the phone the day before but then she was just gone.
I really hope you get some peace from the pain soon xxx

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Hello Elldubs, Thank you for replying <3 Yes the shovel smacks me in the face in the morning and throughout the day it’s horrible isn’t it. If only someone could promise me I’d see him again I’d cope with the life now and get on with it until the time comes, but knowing ‘that’s it’ is so heart breaking to bear :’( The news today of so many other families going through this heart ache is very upsetting too, been a bad day today xx Sending you huge hugs xxxxx

Hi Lisa2 <3 Thank you so much for replying <3 I’m so, so sorry about your mum :’( I know how hard it is - I think the complete shock of losing them in a flash is hard to bear, I think, even though you know the way the world is, you don’t expect a world without them in, and coming to terms with having to live in that empty world is going to take me a long time, I don’t suppose it will ever really sink in completely xx Sending hugs <3 xxxx

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