Bereavement chat

I am still feeling so lost after losing my Mum

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Me too! Mum mum was my best friend. Keep posting on here as we’re all going through the same thing. Trying to navigate through grief is hard but this community can provide support :heart:

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Sending you so much love! Losing your mum is like losing a huge part of your heart! She gave you love from the moment you began to grow until the day that she passed. She was there for every important event in your life and is the only certain constant. I hope one day you will heal and learn to be happy again xx

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I was not close to my Mum until the later years. I was brought up by my Gran not my Mum. I spent 60 years trying to please my Mum and it was only her last year or so she said she loved me. I think thats why i am struggling. The hope of a close relationship is gone forever.

Oh I am so sorry to hear this! There were times when me and my mum didn’t see eye to eye and I know it’s completely different to what you have experienced with your mum but there were times that I felt I was not good enough for my mum but then I learnt why she was like that and now I’m able to forgive her for that but it didn’t stop me wondering towards the end if I had done enough for her and running myself into the ground to make up for all those bad times. The main thing is that she did love you and she told you so in the end and now you hold onto that love to keep her memory alive, nothing can take the hurt away but you move forward with that love that she did give to you in the end! Sending you so much love and hugs xx

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Thank you so much. Your reply made me cry but gave me some comfort too. Its very hard when you are not the conventional family. On the plus side i have learned from it and have a very close relationship with my son who knows how much his Mum loves him.

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Aww you are so welcome. It is true that we learn as we go along and now you can give all that love for your mum to your son to keep her memory going! I know that my mum felt bad about the way things were as I was growing up as she threw her heart and soul into making sure that her grandkids knew how much she loved them and towards the end, mum couldn’t sleep unless she was holding my hand. Her last words to me were “love you more and more” which has given me comfort that I did do enough and all is right. It still hurts but at least I don’t have to feel guilty anymore! I hope you begin to find some comfort in life but please feel free to message me at any point! I like to help people as much as I can and if I can help you in any way I am more than happy to do so xxx

@Lilyrose I’m reading this and its like I’m reading about my own life. I too had difficult relatioship with my mum. But I loved her so much. I hope she knew that. I feel quilty now for all arguments and that in recent years I was so impatient with her sometimes. I don’t know how to go on. The quilt is killing me.

I know what you mean, it’s always there in the back of your mind niggling away! But the main thing is is that your showing her that love now and where ever she is, she will feel that xx

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I had a wierd moment today. I grabbed my phone and almost dialled mums number to tell her something before realising she won’t answer… it completely broke me and I was in flood of tears again. Its like I just forgot she died and just wanted our daily chat…

Oh love, I did exactly the same tonight! I took my daughter to options evening to choose her subject for gcses and I came out and thought, I can’t wait to get home and ring mum to tell her that her granddaughter wants to be a photographer and then it hit! The pain is like no other when you forget for a split second and then the realization just knocks you for six!! How long did your mum pass? X

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Its been a year now since Mum was cremated and still the pain goes on and on…and the guilt… i just wanted to be loved by her and i think i was in the later years but it was still hard. I dont think it will get better and i will have to go through it all again when my Dad (87) passes. I wish i could sleep but spend most of the night thinking about her cremation and morbid things.

@Lilyrose mum passed away on 5th February