Hello everyone. I lost my Dad two weeks ago to a sudden catastrophic brain haemorrhage. My poor Mum went through the trauma of finding him unresponsive. I am glad I was able to get to the local hospital really quite fast. This does mean that I witnessed some things that are haunting me, like seeing them working on my Dad in resus as I walked to the relatives room to meet my Mum, as well as him on life support in the ICU, the conversations and things we had to discuss with doctors. It all keeps coming into my mind constantly, it’s like a horrible unwanted obsession. I see that on the Sue Ryder site it says you should wait 8 weeks until having bereavement counselling, but I feel like I’m just going to traumatise others around me if I talk about the most horrible of events and situations that I’ve been in over the past fortnight, it feels like talking to a neutral party would be better. I did phone the Samaritans the night after he died because it was 2.15am and I just needed to speak to someone, but really I just cried and recounted events and the person was brilliant but I feel I want to talk to someone in person who is trained in bereavement. I wondered what other people’s experiences have been of how long you need to or should wait for taking up bereavement counselling? Many thanks for reading.
Hello,
So sorry for your loss. Its all so raw. Sending a virtual hug. You’re not alone.
My dad died 3 weeks ago.
They recommend a minimum of 6 weeks after a bereavement for counselling so that you can get over the shock. The NHS waiting lists are long. I have proper bereavement conselling scheduled for 3 months after.
I’ve also had counselling from week 2 from work after losing mum in Nov 23. It’s been a bit wishy washy to be honest as I wasn’t ready for it. However, having an hour a week just for me was helpful. It’s good to have someone listen.
Everyone is different. It sounds like you have some trauma and some talking will help. Keep posting here. People understand.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
I paid for a counsellor from week one as I needed someone to talk to. But some people waiting for NHS, sue Ryder and cruise do wait a long time as there is a waiting list, and recommendations to wait for several weeks as it might not be needed.
At first everything is all consuming and raw but this does subside. But waiting is frustrating.
Reach out on here, say what you need to say. So many people here and they all have experiences and they may be similar to yours and be able to offer support.
It does help.
I got my counselling through work - employee scheme. If you do work check there first as you make get it quicker.
So sorry for your loss.
CRUSE, specialists in bereavement counselling recommend 3 months to try and work through the normal grieving process first
Thank you so much for everyone for replying to me. That makes sense about trying to wait a bit to see how you are in processing everything. I think I just worry about burdening people but you’re right that on here we all are going through grief and however different that grief is, we do have a connection through our losses. I’m so sorry that you lost your Mum and Dad and so close together too RobBeat. I’m sorry for all of us that we find ourselves on this forum but also glad that we can connect and express ourselves.
Thank you for the wishes. Speaking on here does help. You’ll never be a burden and we’re here to support one another. Reach out anytime and let us know how you are.
Three weeks today since I lost my hero father. 12 weeks since mum. Unbelieveable really.
Such short amounts of time, but of course I know the amount of time since somebody we love died doesn’t correlate to how much we feel, grief is something we’ll live with now, but I feel like we’re in an especially raw place as we try to navigate the world without our heroes, as you so beautifully put it.