I am attempting to help a dear friend whose husband died two and a half years ago. Within 4 months of his passing, she met an old friend( known to her husband) despite her reservations and fearful of people’s opinions, their relationship developed and they spent 2 extremely happy years together. Her new partner died suddenly after them enjoying a lovely holiday abroad, within a week of their returning he became Very ill, placed on a ventilator and never recovered. Her grief is so very different from that of her husband’s, her new partner really very gently helped her through along with my help. I am at a loss as to how to help as her grief is so so deep. She has physical pain, sickness and days of not knowing if she can cope. It is only a month since the funeral, early days, but she is trying hard to get out and already has strategies in place if she goes somewhere and needs to escape. I do not have answers to her grief, but the support that I give seems so inadequate this time. I let her talk about anything and everything. I see her most days on her terms ((she hates being smothered) , and the days we don’t see one another, we chat on the phone. She is aware she has to try going out , coffee with friends , shopping with friends, she has a lot of friends that want to help, but some she finds hard work. Can anyone advise me on what more I can do to help, I know it will be one step forward and three steps back and some days will be better than others, but I just wish I had more ways of helping her. Sorry for the long post and thank you in anticipation for any replies.
I don’t think you could do anymore for your friend…
You’re there when she needs you and you step back when she needs space.
Whilst giving everything you can to support your friend, please remember to take the time to look after yourself
Dear Tiddler, it sounds to me like you are doing everything you can to be a good and supportive friend. I think the challenge sometimes is that you might feel inadequate, or doubt that you’re helping, and that you will need to learn to just accept that feeling, because your friends healing will happen in its own timeline. Grief is such a long, long journey, you wont necessarily see tangible changes in your friend for a long time, but you can’t see what’s also happening on the inside. Knowing that someone is in your corner, who accepts you as you are, who doesn’t mind how much you cry, who doesn’t make you feel that you should be in a different place by now, who simply meets you where you are is a precious thing. So just keep doing what you’re doing 
If you’re interested, Megan Devine has good resources for how to support someone in grief (and what not to say!) For Supporters – Refuge In Grief
Thank you for your kind reply
Thank you for the references. I will check out the Refuge In Grief.