I lost my only blood sibling, my sister, this past October. She died of an overdose. Maybe accidental? Maybe on purpose? Or it could’ve been murder as her husband was the one who gave her the pill laced with fentanyl, the same thing he od’ed on the week before that my sister was able to get the ambulance there on time to save his miserable life. He couldn’t be bothered to do the same for her. At the time of her death we were estranged due to some issues with her behavior with my 6 year old daughter. There’s a lot of regret and resentment. I feel unresolved and constantly waiting on the other shoe to drop. I haven’t had a single sign that she its with me. She was a recovering meth, crack and heroin addict but still had issues with pain meds and Xanax. She’d been clean of the dope for almost 13 years. The drugs changed her personality so drastically that I knew I would never see my original sister ever again and I missed her so bad. I’ve been in my room the past 9 months realizing that the depression is back. I’m bipolar, have ptsd, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. Before she passed I was in a really good place after years of feeling like my life was a movie. Now that feeling is back and it’s all I can do to get up and take care of my 6 year old. I’m in therapy. Have been since I was diagnosed and put on disability at 23. I hate what the past 9 months have done to me.

Brandy, your post is heartbreaking and difficult to read but I also felt your pain. You say you are seeing a therapist, please talk to them and see if there’s any extra help, it does sound that you and your 6 year old child need more help.
Your sister is now in a good place and whether you believe in after life or not I think she will be happy and she will want you to be happy. You are right drugs are poison to our bodies and by what you have written it does sound that her body could just not take anymore no matter how they arrived in her system. They change our personality and the user becomes a totally different person.
What matters now is your life and that of your child. Please seek more help whether it’s your therapist or your GP don’t be afraid of asking, there is no shame in admitting you need help.
I am pleased you found this site because even if you don’t get answer you know everyone on here will feel your pain and wish you well.
Please look after yourself and your lovely 6 year old. I am sending you lots of love and blessings. S xxx

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Thank you for your kind response. I have been in therapy since I was 17 and on meds since I was 25. I put my daughter In therapy after all of this happened. It was very hard on her as my sister was the favorite aunt. I have no qualms about getting help. But I agree that maybe I need more right now than my once weekly group. I go today and will discuss it with my counselor.

Brandy, that’s great and I am very pleased that you too think a little more help is worth asking for. So many people think they can get through these times and leave it until things are really bad. Please let me know how you get on and give that little girl of yours a big sloppy kiss from me. S xxx

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I had group today and I was told I’m being way too hard on myself. I understand that and when I got home I wrote a long letter to my sister. It helped a little but now I don’t know what to do with it. Throw it away? Burn it? I just don’t know.

@Brandy hi brandy I am so very sorry for your loss as for the letter you wrote to your sister I would keep it you may wish to read it again at some point especially if it helped a little I have ocd bpd and depression so I can relate to your mental health issues I’m waiting for help for my mental health which has escalated since I lost my partner keep posting on here you will find support I know I have I’m often around if you ever want to chat stay safe take care sending hugs

Thank you Casey.

Casey and Brandy, please keep in touch, it sounds that you can help each other. Writing, either to your sister or just how you feel helps and posting on here is similar. I kept the notes I made after my soulmate went but in the end I couldn’t read them so I burned them and said he was better not knowing how bad I had felt at the time.
Brandy, there are other organisations that can help, Cruse is one and I am sure locally there’s others. It may be worth looking. Please keep posting, we are always here. Love and blessings to you both S xxx