Bereavement

Coping with bereavement
1

Hi
I am 41.
Three weeks ago i lost my 90 year old grandma to a heart attack which was a sudden shock the news was heard from my dad and came as a sudden shock she was in hospital care when she passed away to heaven. I felt very sad and lonely my parents have decided for the funeral service that I can stay overnight at their house and then be taken back to my home for this emotional family occasion. I don’t want any friction from them as i was a victim of domestic abuse when I lived with them.
I live alone in timperley Cheshire and my boyfriend lives locally and he is a great support keeping my spirits up i was just very uncommunicative in the initial period following her death to anybody after inheriting some personal items she owned.

2

Hello @SWEETWOMAN234 ,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your grandma that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

5

hi Alex

This year for christmas my parents have not bothered for some reason to wish my happy christmas or anything not a surprise really as i was the victim of a verbal gaslighting and domestic abuse from them both until i moved out a year ago after been driven crazy by my mums insane behaviour and my dads intent on getting me out of the house and threats of violence etc i havent seen them in person since october 2024 for the funeral of his mum and the abuse of power of attorney which i suspected for months was going from my dad to access my grandma bank account to use her funds for his own benefits, been given 24 hrs to find a house and a job and threats of violence and the arrest december 2023 from a verbal gaslighting attack from my mum refusing to let me have a shower and me almost passing out in the police van and not having a nice christmas really are really awful things to have gone through, then my car got stolen after having courtesy cars for a while the police only found it in April 2024 but then i wasnt the reg keeper the car was sold in an online scrap auction and now someone else owns it, I sometimes drive one of my boyfriends but this is shameful to even know happened.

6

Hi @SWEETWOMAN234

It sounds like things are very tough right now, but please know that there is help out there.

You can always contact the police on 999 in an emergency or call 101 to report anything non-emergency.

If you are still struggling with your housing situation, please contact your local council to find out more information. Shelter has more information about this: Emergency housing from the council - Shelter England

It may also be helpful to speak with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your local area.

Please do keep reaching out and take good care,

Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team

7

Im happy where i live and been at my boyfriends locally this festive season and going home to check if i have received any post or xmas cards before going for a meal

8

Good morning I am struggling with grief for my deceased grandma and uncle I have been looking at photos of them both in my house and hand written letters to me and cards from my grandma. I haven’t spoken to my mum or dad for months since then because to them changing their whatsapp photos to those of my grandma and brother and removing the one my mum previously had of me and her in 2018 sat together eating out in happier times has been removed from her phone for some strange reason. Also before I blocked my mum on whatsapp I used to get random texts of rumours i am pregnant which is not true, random nonsense about my mums cousins who live not too far from me in Broadheath, Altrincham but i have not seen them for about 19 years. Also horrible comments from my ex-boyfriend about my family and how they have cast me aside like a nobody why are people so horrid? All day yesterday I was been a bitch to him in conversation especially when he spoke about his family loving him and where are mine ? refused to go for last minute pub meal had a verbal exchange of words over whatsapp and he did not recognise the person i have turned into well no wonder with the insults aimed at me so i gave a few back about his sleep apnea, the cpap machine he wears at night and his skin tags, obesity all because of his lifestyle choices in his 30s.

9

my parents haven’t contacted me since burying my grandma and all of a sudden two missed calls from my dad who changed his whatsapp photo to that of him and his mum and not message me since October 2024 i have no reason to call back he got all he wanted my mum. I got no well wishes over the festive season last year which really hurt and i was really struggling then if not had spent christmas at my boyfriends house. When I lived at home i was constantly the subject of verbal and physical abuse over my looks from my mum after going abroad on holiday inheritance of money from my dad 2017, accusations of stealing my mums keys etc in the house all when her mental capacity was very weak, I moved out almost 2 years ago and resentment is there from me for understandable reasons.

10

It turns out after months of silence and not talking to my mum since a few months ago when she was fine because she accused me of talking to her cousins who live in Altrincham about her who i have not seen for years, no xmas presents or any sort of well wishes for the new year. It turns she died 7th May from cancer of the stomach and bones age 57 and i only found out this morning from my dad i did miss 4 whatsapp calls when i was busy trying to find work and not telling me for 3 weeks she fell down the stairs at home, was losing her appetite etc and not going abroad to jamaica as the cancer had spread this year and then dying in the hospital without me knowing until after has left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth as when she was alive she did nothing to make me feel like I mattered after my grandma died in October 2024 thats the last time I saw her in person and my decision to protect myself and concentrate on my university studies, my employment search and other things photography etc i enjoy in life without been critisced. I do not know if will attend the funeral yet for these reasons. Please also bear in mind I have an estranged aunty who was my mums older sister who i have not seen for many years due to her racial preudice of me as a child. Sabrina

11

Hi all a missing my mum following her funeral service on 4th June at The Church of Hugh of Lincoln, Timperley followed by taking her body in the coffin to Dunham Lawn Cemetery Altrincham where she now rests in peace. My questions relate to was my mum in any pain due to the bones, lung and stomach cancer in the last few week’s of her life?