Bereavment 22 years later

My younger brother died aged 26 in a rta. Ive coped for 22 years about his sudden death as ive had to carry my parents.
Im now suffering with very high anxiety thinking im going to die aswell in a rta. I cant drive or go out in our car as i no wel be in an accident. Is it normal to feel so bad after all these years?

Yes, it is, grief can last for a long time, i am sorry for your suffering.

Hi and welcome to the Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your brother. Sometimes, if someone keeps their grief bottled up or doesn’t grieve properly at the time, it can start to affect them much later on instead. Perhaps you’ve had to be so strong that you didn’t really have a chance to deal with your emotions at the time?

It sounds as though you could really do with the chance to talk about your loss, and I’m glad you’ve been able to take the step of writing this post. There are lots of supportive people on this site who understand what it’s like to lose a loved one. As you are suffering from very high anxiety, it is worth considering some counselling or other support to help you deal with this.

Mind has some information on different treatment and support for anxiety. A good first step would be to see your GP, who can refer you on to further support.

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the Online Community, just let me know.

Community Manager

My younger brother of 34 died tragically 12 years ago. It has taken a long time to come to terms with such an event.
The incident happened just before Christmas! I do tend to dread this time of year but when the date has passed, the clouds seem to lift!
I am so sorry for you also losing a younger brother and a RTA is tragic too.
As they say you never really get over a huge loss like ours, we just get better as managing it. But, there are times, I really don’t manage it well at all …
Sending you a hug and hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas.

I read your post and I have nothing but respect for the fact that you are still grieving for your brother after all this time. I am so glad that you haven’t forgotten him or how much you loved him.

Maybe talk to your GP about the anxiety. The longer you postpone driving the harder it will become. I am on Citalopram for anxiety and it’s helped a lot. But don’t put yourself under any pressure to do it. You’ve nothing to prove to anybody. You sound like a very good person to me.


1 Like