I lost my same sex wife 16 weeks ago.We,d been together for 53 years.Its unbearable.I wonder if I should go on

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Hi Vee1,

I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. After such a long time with her by your side, 16 weeks is a very short amount of time to come to terms with losing her. It sounds like things are really tough right now and that you’re understandably overwhelmed.

It’s worrying to read that you’re wondering whether you should go on, but I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

    • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
    • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
    • If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, Vee, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,

Online Community Team

Dear Vee1

I am so sad that you find yourself on this dreadful journey. It is not easy and some days it just seems impossible to go on without the person we most loved. I will be honest at the start of this journey I thought constantly of joining my husband. Together 42 years and married over 38. Now the thought lingers momentarily in my mind perhaps daily. But the reality is I could not cause our kids anymore pain and also me and husband’s beliefs would prevent me from doing this as I would not be reunited when my time comes.

Sixteen weeks is still very early following your loss. I can only suggest take one day at a time, an hour at a time if that is all you can cope with. Do whatever you feel able to deal with.

Others on this site understand your pain. Gather as much support around you as you can and keep posting on this site.

Take care.

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@Vee1 hi vee I am so deeply sorry for your loss wow 53 years I know how you feel about whether to carry on I question myself everyday whether I should carry on I lost my soulmate pauline in April I was her first and only girlfriend her only partner she was and always will be the love of my life we were together for almost 21years its our anniversary next week I keep going for our pets and pauline and I truly believe when my time comes I will be reunited with her your wife would want you to carry on its all very raw for you and it’s so empty and lonely without them you will find support here everyone here understands our pain and we all try to help eachother as best as we can I’m often around so if you ever want to chat as Sheila said just take one day at a time that’s what I was advised the day I joined on here and that’s what I’m still doing I hope you have support around you please take care of yourself stay safe sending hugs x

Thank you all so much for your kind words.My wife died unexpectedly and suddenly at home in front of me.A cousin phones and I’ve a couple of friends, and I,m seeing a counsellor. Her things are every where, but that is a comfort, but sometimes upsetting.Sometimes I howl.Yes it is trying to Cope
from hour to hour.Thank you for the opportunity to talk about her.Vee1

@Vee1 I am so sorry you find yourself on this journey but I am glad you found this site it does help a little talking to others going through the same pain because they understand and it helps to know everything I’m feeling is normal and I know I can say whatever I feel here and not be judged this site has been a lifeline for me as its just me and our pets now my thoughts are with you stay safe and take care x

Thank you Casey.Yes, it’s good to be with others who understand.
Our pets have long gone, but it’s good you still have the love and devotion of yours.They are a lifeline.And occupy your mind so much with looking after them.I look after the foxes who come in the garden, by feeding them, also there’s squirrels and of course birds to watch.Thinking of you too.You and Pauline were abviously devoted to one another.Vee1

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@Vee1 you are so right pets really are a lifeline they give me a reason to get up everyday and they give unconditional love and always welcome me when I come home take care x