Earlier this year one of my best friends died. He was only 22 and it happened suddenly and I only found out through text. I hadn’t seen him for months so it was a massive shock but because I was caring for my nan at the time (who died a month later) I haven’t had the chance to process it properly until recently. I thought I was okay but it’s coming up to his birthday and I’m getting nightmares about other friends dying and I’m just randomly bursting into tears. I miss him so much and I still can’t wrap my head around it.
It’s important that you understand that how you feel is normal and part of how we deal with loss. It’s sad that you’ve lost a dear friend and a much loved Nan. Just expressing how you feel on this site will help you and it will get easier, and you will let memories of good times come through. Sending you a hug x