I know everyone is unique in their grief, I was wondering if anyone would be able to share the most helpful advice for them. My friend told me that her counsellor told her grief was like an ocean it can seem all calm and your coping, you can unexpectedly get hit by a wave small or large from out the blue or it can be a tsunami, but it always settles the strength and frequency varies and it’s a natural normal process
Hi. there. Your friend is absolutely right. A big wave is very descriptive. One day a calm sea with hardly a ripple, then the tsunami. That’s grief. It’s a natural process and that’s why not blocking emotions and feelings is so important. Emotions need be released or they can turn inward and cause problems.
Yes it does settle and everything passes. But in the early stages it’s hard. There is no time limit on grief neither is there any set way. As you rightly say, everyone is unique.
One of the major problems is memory. Going to places we visited with our partners can be distressing. I don’t know enough about you to comment further, but I can say you have come to the right place if it’s you that needs help. Take care.
Hi Jonathan thank you for your reply, yes it’s me, my dad collapsed suddenly in May and spent 3 days ventilated in ITU before they turned everything off so devastated I’m still off work as it’s too demanding a job to do with little concentration or memory and sadness/crying at little things. I feel as if people are judging me when they ask are you still not back at work but I’m trying to be responsible
Grief is a stranger to us all until it becomes personal. Only those who have been there can ever know the pain.
I am so sorry about your dad. There is not a lot I or anyone can say at this moment that will deaden the pain.
I don’t know how you feel about short term medication, but a visit to your GP may help.
Try not to allow the feelings of being judged to worry you. They just don’t know or understand. Forgive them for their lack of compassion. It’s not their fault.
If your GP suggests time off from any demanding work then be guided by them. They deal with bereavement on a daily basis.
Concentration goes. Of course it does when one’s mind is filled with grief. This is all a natural process which we need to go through. Yes, through. Everything in life has a beginning and an end. Grief may not ever end completely, but it can diminish so that you can go back to life. Difficult? I’ll say, but possible.
Take care. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you for your kind words I guess I’m judging myself I initially thought i’ll take a month off work thinking that was a long time, enough to be able to cope anyway but I was wrong. I also struggle with my mum’s intense grief, she says she only feels safe when she’s with me and I see her every day, she doesn’t want to live without my dad, I understand they were married for 55 years and it was a sudden event. I try to be kind to myself, take good Carr of yourself as well
Hi Struggling With…
I have received lots of advice over the last couple of years.
In summary, the best advice I received looking back was to take one day at a time. If you can’t do that, just the next hour is a start.
Other advice is to go with the flow. Your emotions are all natural so just go with them.
Look after yourself. Try to rest. Eat well. Go for a walk. The basics help.
I’ve found posting on here a great help and reaching out and being honest to others has helped too. I’ve had counselling and have got so much out of yoga and being in nature personally.
I’m much more open about my feelings now and not scared of the emotional roller coaster that grief puts you on.
Take care of yourself. I am so sorry you have had to join us on this site.
Love, Ann xx
Thank you for your reply,the advice is good i do think far ahead and worry about being able to cope with my grief and supporting my mum. I now feel the word devastated to the full. And rollercoaster i feel I’m doing ‘ok’ then wham the reality hits me I’ve not got a dad
You have had a dad and he will never leave you. He made you who you are. He may not be here now, but he will live on in your heart. I promise. Just as my mum and dad live on in mine.
When I’m at the bottom of my roller coaster, I wonder what I can do to make my parents proud. That helps me carry on too.
Glad you have reached out for help. That’s a big step but an important one.
Take care and take care of your mum too. Just as your dad would want you to.
Thank you Ann, i try to take good care of my mum and make my dad proud, she’s just broken without him and says she can’t sed a life without him her grief is so painful to me I’ve told her she doesn’t need to hide it but I find it so difficult I’m crying just now thinking of it and can’t see an end to it