This is so hard to write - I’m so afraid that I’ll come across as entitled or mercenary. My estranged husband died in October. We have two autistic children (both now in their 30s.) They’re very able in lots of ways, but need a lot of emotional & practical support. 2 years ago, we made our wills, each leaving trusts for the kids & everything else to the surviving spouse. When he died, I discovered that he had drastically changed his will. Nothing in trust for the kids & leaving more than 50% of the estate to his cleaner/carer, ‘X’. She & I get on well. I’ve never been jealous of the women in his life - I ended our relationship & have never harboured any romantic or ownership feelings towards him since then. X & I laughed about him promising her he’d disinherit the kids if only she’d marry him. She refused - so she’s patently not a heartless gold-digger. But the bulk of the estate is the mortgage-free house he’s left to her, along with a £1000 per-week ‘salary.’ (My house - part of our separation agreement - is still mortgaged to the hilt because, I only recently discovered, he had an interest-only payment arrangement.) The kids & I have been left 2 very poorly-maintained houses with tenants crying out for long-overdue repairs. Half the rental income goes to cover X’s ‘salary’ & I am not prepared to make tenants suffer because of my husband’s fantasies/unrequited lust. But the company account which is supposed to fund repairs is tiny - it will just cover the new roof one of the houses needs. While I have an excellent executor & accountant, I feel I’m drowning in impossible financial waters. I’m furious that he could be so uncaring to his own children & I feel hurt & utterly betrayed. I’m trying so hard to hold it all together, but I’m really struggling. My kids are needing a lot more support than usual &, while I have a really lovely, supportive friend, I have a history of clinical depression, so it’s hard. It’s so tempting to just bow out…but I can’t do that, cos my kids need me. I never expected or wanted to be wealthy - but I believed my husband when he promised me we’d be well provided for. And what hurts most of all is that he didn’t even have the guts to tell me what he’d done. How can I get rid of this sense of betrayal, this fury that’s eating away at me?
I dont know if it’s fair or appropriate to post this amongst people mourning the loss of the love of their life - I hope people understand.
Hello @nms,
I’m sorry for the situation that you’re in. It’s understandable that you’re feeling so angry when this came as such a shock to you.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts. In the meantime, I just wanted to share some support links for you. I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
-
Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
-
Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
-
You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
Keep reaching out and take care,
Seaneen
Hi,
I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this awful position. Although estranged from your husband, it does sound as if you both had an amicable relationship up to the time of your loss. I understand completely your feelings of betrayal given your ex’s will and how this has left you and your two sons.
I’m not legally qualified, but my guess is that your estranged husband (I have assumed you did not divorce or legally separate) must make financial provision for you and likely your two sons given their autism. I would seek legal advice reegarsing the will at least to put your mind at rest regarding the financial arrangements made in the will.
Take care and do reach out for support.
John