Beverament

Hi I lost my husband in July 2019 he passed away due to stage 4 liver cancer I don’t know how to deal with it I have been to the doctors and all they keep doing is saying take the antidepressants and you will be fine but im not every so often I go into a meltdown and I can’t cope

@Caron I’m sorry you have lost your husband. Whilst we may not have all the answers, we have all lost someone dear to us, we do know how you are feeling.
Please keep posting and reading

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Hi @Caron,

It is a terrible feeling to have to watch someone you love fade away because of cancer, and liver cancer is particularly cruel.

I’d suggest calling your doctors again - and they are terribly busy - and telling her/him that the anti depressants are simply not working for you. You need more help than that. Describe what is happening to you, and explain that it is happening again and again. Some GPs now have a counsellor working in the practice, they can also refer you to other services such as the local community mental health team, who will send someone to visit you, or Cruse, Marie Curie or Sue Ryder.

Here on this site there is an online bereavement counselling service, which could help you a lot.

Lockdown affects everyone, and this lockdown isn’t going to be lifted yet. It makes everything more difficult for all of us. The sense of community that used to be all around us has disappeared.

My husband died on September 15th last year, at home in my arms. He had a brain stem glioma, and he wasn’t offered any treatment at all. That was wrong. It’s true that there are cancers that are almost always terminal, but there is no cancer that is untreatable. I think it was a result of the wave of exhaustion that’s swept through the NHS since the first lockdown last year.

I’ve been chatting to other people on Twitter about this: the only certain thing about life is that the death rate is 100%. Before the whirlwind of TV and then social media took over the world, we knew how to deal with death.

Now, we don’t. We use euphemisms like passed, or left, or gone away. We’ve forgotten how to grieve, and how to help others to grieve. People make a fortune on social media simply by being pretty, or knowing how to use make up, or pout. ( It’s driving a friend who is a psychologist mad. She’s telling her young patients, you are you, you are unique and special and wonderful. They don’t want to hear that. What they want to do is look like Kim Kardashian, or Paris Hilton, or Little Mix or whoever. They want to be anyone other than themselves.)

You have made a good first step in joining this community. I hope you will find help here, and that also you will be able to help others.

Love Christie xxx

Dear @ Caron,

Sorry to hear that your GP thinks that ‘all will be fine’ when you keep taking your tablets. Its good that not all GPs are like that. Yes, antidepressants can take some of the edge of the feelings of despair, but they cannot take away the grief about losing your husband. Grief is a process, it takes time, and is very personal. When you read posts and replies on this side you will find that most people have experiences like yours and how they are learning to live with the loss. Do you have a close friend or a family member you can talk too? Have you thought about talking with a bereavement counselor? There is free counseling available through the Sue Rider website, or through Cruse. There may also be a support group in your area you could join when lockdown is over. I hope you will find the help you deserve.
Jo

Yes ive got friends and family for support the doctors sent me for counciling had one session then was told you don’t need any more and told just to carry on with what I was doing

Hello Caron,

I can see our lovely members are already signposting you to various bereavement services. I want you to know we are here for you. As mentioned, Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.
Again, as mentioned, Cruse Bereavement offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services.
Please continue to post, we are listening,

Take care,
Audrey,
Online Community Team

Ok thankyou

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