Bewilderment and guilt

My big brother passed away 6 weeks ago. He was the youngest of my two older brothers and had just turned 60. He had stage 3 liver disease (cirrhosis), but although we knew he’d been ill for several months, none of the endless tests and scans were definitive until things had got so much worse, so we didn’t realise until it was too late. None of us had any idea he had problems with alcohol (he lived alone, none of us geographically close), which he must have had for many years, until being made redundant during lockdown must have made it worse.
We were close, so it pains me that he didn’t share this with me and I couldn’t help him in time. We watched his slow decline physically and mentally and he wouldn’t let us help him, until when he finally did accept help, it was too late. He died in hospital, but we weren’t told in time so none of us were there. I feel guilty that I didn’t ‘make’ him accept help sooner, or do more for him. And also bewildered that there was this big part of his life and choices made that I didn’t know about. He was in total denial and I almost wonder how well I knew him at all. How can I understand what was going on for him when he’s not here to answer?

Dear @Rsw

Welcome to the Community, I apologise for the delay in replying. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother.

Sometimes it is hard for a loved one to ask for help or they do not know how to, with men especially the older generation it is a matter of pride. I would take comfort in that your brother did accept help and that he was in a hospital environment when he passed and not alone at home.

Take care.