I.lost my husband of 40 years 7 days ago . He was on a covid ward and I didnt get to visit him he was making really good progress and was due to come home . Getting ready to be picked up he had a cardiac arrest . I can’t come to terms with the fact that he was alone without me for 7 days . He was my life. The pain is something I can’t bear everyday is eorse than the day before.
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These first few days are immense your walking in a foreign land all-you-can do is meet your human needs and treat yourself like you are sick eat sleep and repeat it’s 17 weeks for me I’m still very sad but I’m functioning better grief comes in waves but they are subsiding and I do have moments of hope sending you love xxx
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Hello Wragglowe,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and how you are feeling; not being able to visit him makes it all the more difficult. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
You may also find the following Sue Ryder resources helpful:
- Bereavement information pages
- Our recently launched Grief Self-Help Service which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please do keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Susannah
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Bless you sweetheart it’s the loneliest place to be apart
It’s just not fair
I feel you pain
Please be strong
X
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Hi ,
I’m at 6 days , I won’t start a separate thread but add to this .
I echo your feelings , I spent 12 months battling with my wife bladder cancer .
Unlike you I got to say a very long goodbye as she was in a hospice so I can’t imagine what it was like for you .
Right now I’m utterly lost, heartbroken, in knots , scared , desperate, . Losing you spouse is the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced so I 100% know your pain .
Here for a chat , she was my everything
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I am going through every emotion possible and today I hit anger . It was a shock the anger I felt . He is around me all the time and every second of every minute of every hour he is in my thoughts .
My husband was my world and the thought of not having him to put his arms around me and tell me everything will be OK
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I get what you mean all around me .
She is constantly on my mind 24 hours , right now I expected that but this pain is incredibly raw .
It’s the fear that gets me
You totally get what I am experiencing. I thought it was just me . I can’t see life without him as you probably feel the same after loosing your beautiful wife
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if the early days are anything to go by im worried about me for the future, i dont bury her till the 16th, dreading the day.No one will understand the pain .
Ive found myself looking too far in advance , the holidays we wont have , her just being here , The actual realisation i will never ever see her again is eating me up, ive letters off her she wrote in the hospital explaining her fears for me to our friends and the realisation just how much she doted on me and now i just want to cuddle her again. look its very early for me , she died on Tuesday however i already find myself reaching out on a forum like this .
The pain is like ive never felt before and NOTHING seems to help.
you will find me a pain, i like to air my feelings . 
I am only at day 8 I can’t say goodbye to my hubby until 21st as there was a delay with gaining death certificate which I can’t get till tomorrow . We loved our holidays we had 2 planned . I have several voicemails from him in hospital and keep playing them over and over. I didn’t get to see him as he was put on a covid ward . That I can’t accept I just needed that last cuddle to feel his arms wrap round me . Is life worth living without him at this moment no . However time will tell
So so sorry ! Our story is the same - I feel your pain - my husband of 41 years was in ITU for 6 weeks and they said he was on the tail end of covid - then he turned septic and died - it is brutal - we wasn’t allowed to see or be with him-life will never be the same - devastated is an understatement- sorry your going through this too !
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My heart goes out to you. Everyday seems harder I wake in the morning and wish for the day to end so that’s it another day over without him . I know life will be so different and I have to do it x
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I know the feeling it’s killing me inside to be strong it’s toms birthday on the 18th followed by Father’s Day the next day
Oh how I wish I could pull the duvet over my head and hide away till the emptiness subsides
What does life have in store for me next
I wish I knew sometimes
Yup it’s true that when your partner dies- they fall into the abyss and we are stuck in ours. A funny thing I have noticed in all these posts ( my wife died April 2022) is that no one … and I mean no one ever mentions sexual bereavement which is one of the big issues which seems to be taboo. I adored my wife and we had a wonderful sex life all the way through our 43 years and that is a big part I miss.
Because I think sex is all part of the fantastic love we shared with each other. Most folk talk of the ultimate loss of their love , the pain of it all.
Sex loss doesn’t even cross my mind tbh , I just miss her completely.
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So true it’s called sexual bereavement and few talk of it! Being British and all! I am the same and feel exactly the same since my wife died two months ago. I wrote a poem for her which is the only help I can give myself.
Poem for fallen Wives
I shall turn up the stereo and fill the dish washer
with your
empty wine glasses
Covered with your lipstick kiss
and
Put on Midsomer Murders where they catch the
killer and he escapes.
I won’t silence the dogs but let them bark and play
and delay the cat’s dinner so that
It miams in a musical scale of creaking tones.
I will fill the house with noise so that Dust
Cannot sit still but give life to what was once before.
I will water all the cacti so that they drink only to
you
and lay out all your favourite clothes
So that their sweet scent fills the rooms like incense
in
a
church.
When all these things are done and small boys have
been paid to ring the doorbell once every hour.
I will become a Jigsaw Maker and piece together all
the things you have touched and sat upon-I will
collect the tiny objects that gave you comfort-the
rings, the stones, the cards, the ornaments and the
books of Spells.
When all the noises are turned to full.
And I have jigsawed all of You-
Then and only then
Shall I bring you back.
Kennedy
That poem is so beautiful. So heartfelt. Thank you. X