Birthday Blues

I think this topic would be a fit for several of the SR sections. I have read of many others in all areas of this site, struggling with holidays, anniversaries and birthdays after losing their loved ones.
My birthday is on Feb. 14. This will be the first birthday in decades I will not be sharing the day with my precious little sister. We always shared our birthdays, especially after losing our mother in 2012. Last year, despite the cancer, my sister was still bright, hopeful and full of life. We rejoiced that she was doing so well. I told her SHE was my “greatest birthday gift,” and all I wanted or needed to make the day complete. Three months later, in May, she was taken in a matter of hours, two days before her own birthday. Her card from me arrived a day after she died, and I still have all the special gifts I got her, never to be seen. What makes this so hard, is that my birthday is now a cruel reminder of another year without her. A day that used to bring joy, now only adds to the heartache. She always made our birthdays so special, and I looked forward to the plans we made. I also will miss that “one minute past midnight call” we always gave each other on the “first minute” of our birthdays. Those rituals were ours, and now they are gone too.
Now I will be alone with only the memories of what I had, and what I lost. Not that I do not appreciate life, I do, but it would be more than just existing if I had my beloved best friend & soul mate back to brighten my world, as only she could. Just needed to express these pent up feelings, and hoping others might add how they view and cope with birthdays, in the midst of this crushing grief. I know only the people here will understand. Everything changes after we lose our loved ones, joy turns to darkness so quickly. Thank you all for helping me through this lonely and painful birthday.
Sister2 Xxx

And I might add that a birthday on Valentine’s Day without any love, is doubles the heartbreak. I watch others getting their cards and discussing plans, and it just compounds this loneliness. Sorry, I know I sound like a downer, but this is how I feel. A quote I have at my desk at work says “Sometimes you need to wear your sadness like a soft old sweater, just because it suits you for now.”

Dear Sister2, sending kind wishes to you today, your birthday…sorry it’s just so sad for you, x

Thank you Rainbow, this one hit me hard. Maybe because it is also Valentine’s Day and everywhere I go I am reminded of the love we shared, pure and unconditional.
I hope you are getting through your day peacefully too. Take care. X Sister2

I hope your days get better soon. I’ll be thinking of you.

Hope your day is as good as it can be. Sending birthday love and hugs to you x

Thank you all for the support on my very difficult “first” birthday without my sweet little sister. I knew coming to the forum would help. I fear I just “lost it” on the week leading up to the day. I could no longer tell myself she was “just away, or busy.” and I’d hear from her soon. Looking back is hard, but going forward is harder. Sending caring thoughts to all of you. Xxx, Sister2