Today would have been Keef’s 64th birthday. I must admit I’m feeling rather sombre, despite the bright sunshine.
My daughter will be coming over after work so that we can remember him in our own way, I just suppose this is one of those “firsts” we have to endure. This will be the first year I haven’t celebrated his birthday with him for over 40 years so I know it will be hard but I will try very hard to think about the positive memories I have.
Tomorrow I’ve arranged to meet up with friends in our local micropub so that we can toast him and have been astounded by the number of people who want to share this with me, well I suppose it shouldn’t really come as a surprise as so many turned up to his funeral thingy.
I’m sure that I can get through the day but know it will be hard and am sure that people on here can totally understand what I am going through.
Thanks for listening Gail xx
Hi Gail
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Rhi
Hello there @Guineapig65
Sending you a big hug today. I went through the same thing on Monday when my John would have turned 66. His first birthday for many a year when l wasn’t able to throw my arms round him and make a fuss of him. I said to a good friend yesterday that Monday was the worst day l’d had since he died 8 months ago, and it was. Did my best to remember good times, and family made sure l wasn’t on my own, but it was so hard. I read someone else on here saying that it’s the thought that we’re leaving them behind that hurts most - John is always going to be 65 in 2023 now, while l am going to be going on without him. It’s just complete and utter crap, all this. At the minute, l feel worse than l did 3 months ago, but l will keep on trying to deal with it, and putting one foot in front of another.
It sounds as if you have something lovely planned to celebrate Keef tomorrow, l hope it warms your heart and you feel him close to you xx 
@Guineapig65 it must have been a hard day for you. Hope you and your daughter can share memories. And that the meet up with friends is comforting rather than an ordeal.
Sending you a hug
Today has been so hard. I tried to keep it under control while I was helping my autistic son pack up his flat but on the way home on the bus I couldn’t stop crying, luckily nobody noticed. My daughter popped over after work and we talked a lot about her Dad and how we were feeling today. It felt good to be able to talk out loud about things today and cry a lot. Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.
God love you @Guineapig65 - it’s so hard, isn’t it? Particularly these special days.
I am pleased you had your daughter to talk to today. I could talk about John to the kids forever, and l still talk to him all the time round the house. l write a journal every night and imagine him reading it over my shoulder. I know l have made progress these last 8 months, but it takes very little to floor me again. But what do we do?! We pick ourselves up and we put one foot in front of the other again and see how far we get.
Hoping tomorrow goes okay for you xx
My wife loved having her family and friends around her as often as she could! We had a busy birthday weekend for her on 14/10 with her family and she had a party at home on the 16/10, her only invited the girls and told the boys to fcuk off to the pub lol - that was her actual birthday with Chinese takeaway and Prosecco.
She had a lovely evening with some of her best friends and was so happy despite being so poorly she kept her lovely cheeky sense of humour.