I lost my dad in 2022, I’m 32, he took his own life 3 days after Christmas and 10 days before his 50th birthday, understandably I am still struggling with this and don’t think I ever won’t struggle with it. They say the anniversaries are hardest, especially the first, but I think that it happened so close to his birthday last year that I was still in the “what just happened?!” stage and it put a fog over it. Well, today is his birthday and I am still awake gone midnight and I have to get up in 6 hours, I just feel unsettled. I don’t really know what to do with myself and I feel angry with him because I shouldn’t be up at midnight feeling angry with him, vicious cycle.

I don’t really talk about it, I don’t want people to be “thinking of” me, I don’t want pity I just want to forget that my dad is dead a lot of the time to be honest but I think I just need to put it into words today or I don’t think I’ll sleep. I cope by making dark jokes and comfort eating so I know that’s not particularly helpful but therapy 4 u from the NHS still doesn’t have a place for me and I just don’t know where to start with private counselling, or if I can even afford it.


I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad, @Shoutsatcows. I just want to reassure you that feeling angry is really normal. And however you cope, that’s okay too. You’ve mentioned that you’re looking for counselling. We offer free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat, if you’d like to take a look.

You may also wish to take a look at the following websites and organisations offering support to people who have been bereaved by suicide.

Take good care,

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