Has anyone got any tips on how to help me get through the day. It would have been my mums birthday today and it’s the first one without her here. What do people usually do to help cope with the day? It’s my birthday in a few days too (again another first without her). I feel like it’s a double lot of heartbreak and memories in the space of a few days. X
Hello @Rachael13, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum.
You’ve asked for tips on getting through the day and your own birthday in a few days. I wanted to share our coping with important dates article with you - you might find it helpful to read.
Thinking of you today 
Seaneen
It’s very personal to you how you wish to mark the day, especially the first one, there is no wrong way.
For me we’ll be celebrating Ms birthday as we always did when he was alive.
We’ll go out for tea and i will make his favourite, a Victoria sponge.
We (my kids and I) will raise a glass to him and no doubt cry. M would have been 50 so it’s a special one.
That’s the plan, I hope we’re strong enough too do it .
Sending you love at such a difficult time
Xx
Thank you for your response. We went out today me and my dad to my mums favourite pub for some lunch and we had a toast to her. I feel so robbed that she wasn’t sat at the table today with us. It’s been 10 months since she passed and it’s all the ‘firsts’ without her. Seeing my birthday card on my birthday saying just ‘love dad’ is going to break me all over again.
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Well when it was my deceased husband’s first birthday we did the same thing as we always did. I bought him a stone pot for his grave and put a rose on his grave with a card I made.
When it was my birthday did same as we did before but minus his present so I bought myself one and pretended. I got out his old cards I had saved. I put his photo on table.
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I always try to celebrate anniversaries, by challenging myself to do something Ive always wanted to do, such as
hill climbing
Abseiling
Booking flute lessons
Potholing (but delayed due to the weather)
Etc
Next Spring, it will be microlighting
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That’s so nice that you challenge yourself to new things. You could maybe do this one time and raise donations to a chosen charity?
I’m dreading tomorrow being my birthday. But I have some amazing people around me to support me.
I guess if I was younger would have done exciting things but too old now and do not say never too old because got disabilities now I did not used to have.
Yes can do tame stuff within capabilities. No good injuring self more.
When I was in my twenties time for pot holing which enjoyed then but not now. Yes wish had done more scary things at that age but didn’t get chance. I regret some things didn’t do at time. Are there others same as me?
I think I am doing well if I go alone nearby driving myself and negotiating all the challenges just dancing going solo or eating alone in the restaurant.
Hi @Enorac. You seem to be doing ok, the challenge is actually trying (or even wanting to try). I dont always succeed either. I’m 76 and bits of me dont work very well. The potholing went ok, but after half the trip I was wondering if I was fit enough to get back out. So I sat on a rock for half an hour whilst the others finished the trip and picked me up on their way back. But I felt proud for having a go!
I would hate eating in restaurants, but my little dogs and I very often sit for coffee in cafes, people just love chatting in there. I suspect thats so they can pat my dogs.
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Dogs are great and a lovely way of meeting new people. I always say hello to dogs … and their owners! I think it’s all about knowing what you can and can’t do. I always think by setting your own goals you have something to work towards. Be proud for getting up each day, getting out there and doing things you enjoy x
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I was skinny when I went potholing and a fatter one got stuck and recall us all pushing and shoving her. I got to the end and still remember it now amazing sights but all wet wading through water but felt exhilarated. I would need to go on a diet now to get through a pot hole.
I went to Warner’s 11 miles away on my own and no choice but alone in restaurant but tables nearby and they put all the solo ones close by on individual tables so we did talk when broke ice. I go in a restaurant on way back when it is too far to walk without sitting down abd can use their loo. Then think I won’t have to cook when I get home. Usually get a magazine to read it sketch the surroundings waiting for a coffee. It is in the warm. I went to a beetle drive today solo. Was okay. This morning I sang in church choir first time and got in a bit of a muddle with the ceremony aspect. But I felt well I did do it. Not new as did it elsewhere before pandemic but different since widow to get there.
Yesterday was a trigger as two years since my husband slept in our house before his last battle in hospital he lost in five weeks time. I felt I should push the boat out.
Well done @Enorac .
You’ll go from strength to strength in the future.
Large oaks from little acorns …
Well done for achieving all this. Keep getting yourself out there. Socialising and talking to people really does help.
I got through my birthday yesterday with support around me. I’m not sure what people believe on here but I think my mum sent me a sign. It might be a coincidence but it brought me comfort. It’s a happened a few times now and it upsets me every time but I do think it’s a sign from her to say she’s there.