After five years of battling the NHS I recently won a case of medical negligence that resulted in the death of my wife. An out of court settlement was agreed. The thing is, I still have that colossal lead lump in my stomach every morning when I wake, the daily tears, the dread and fear of the future without her and the extra stress of family thinking I’m clicking my heels because of the large compensation. There is nothing that compensates. They will never understand the agony I’ve gone through. I feel so alone. I have no children and some family relationships have deteriorated entirely and visits to the house are almost nil. I am very depressed still, no energy, no enthusiasm to carry on and emotionally devastated even though it’s been 5 years since she passed. Hopefully no one else will die through the same medical neglect now and I try to take comfort that is a victory for her and a major achievement for me.
Hello Stehud
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It sounds like it’s been a really difficult time. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care, Naoise
@Stehud well done - it takes a lot of patience, strength and courage to get where you’ve got to. I tried to pursue clinical negligence, but there’s nothing doing.
Of course it’s bittersweet. 
Im in the middle of a medical negligence case against the Urology Department at my hospital for his delayed cancer diagnosis.
Today I’ve received an email from my solicitors saying that they have received my husband’s medical records and now seeing if I have a case to go ahead with the complaint.
I.m not holding much hope in winning but at least I tried and kept my promise to my husband.
Even if anything happens its not going to bring him back to me, I wish it would as I miss him so much every day
Well done you for sticking with the claim. The NHS of which I was a part for 37 years is not the easiest ‘firm’ to claim negligence from but you did it…!!!
Forget those people who think you’re clicking your heels, they are nobodies with no brains or feelings. If they sat back n didn’t think of the money, they would realise you’d give it all back for just a day, a week, a month with your beloved.
They are not worthy of your thoughts.
I suppose now this shadow that’s hung over for five years has gone you will now have time to think of your loss more, so cry, howl at the moon, I did last night.
Stay in bed when you want and keep in touch with folk on this site. It helps as I’m finding out even though it’s only 11 days since I lost my darling man, it’s very raw but there’s people like yourself going through even more torment and it just gives a different perspective.
Like you said, I would give anything to have my husband back
Thank you Mitzi1 - everything you said in your reply has resonance with me and gives me confidence as some family members made me feel like I had done something morally wrong by accepting the compensation. I do still howl, and Still can’t believe she’s still gone and I would give it all back in an instance just to hear her laugh, feel her touch, see her smile and hear her voice again,
Im only putting in the complaint to the hospital because my husband promised me to carry on with it for him.
Im not doing it for the money, Im doing it because its the last thing he wanted and to try and stop them from treating anyone else like this and ruining another family
Of course you would as I would for John…I’d do anything at all to bring him back but through the tears n heartbreak I know it’s just not possible but I do know one day we will be together forever…
Called Aldi earlier n a self help group stopped me and I just burst into tears n left…I’m walking back to my car and I can imagine saying ‘ stop it you twonk’
So I’ve come home n washed n vacuumed the car which is like just once a year so he’d defo think I’m a twonk…
Like you I would give anything to have him back, I never wanted to be a widow at 51. They’ve robbed of 30 or 40 more years with him. He was only 50.
If they could see us now x
Obviously have no idea why at all and don’t need to know about your complaint. It must be real for you to do it and I wish you well.
I have got to say that with my John, from the paramedics and Royal Blackburn hospital Rhesus they were absolutely amazing.
Every single person came in to say how sorry they were. I was given a bereavement pack with hearts and an angel key ring with an outline of everything to come. A lock of his hair and sorrow cards from the nurses and rhesus team and consultant. His clothes neatly folded in a bag. Today I had a call from their bereavement dept just to see how I am doing and they will ring again next week
They were amazing and I can honestly say the two hospitals I worked in for 37 years did not do that.
Every hospital should do exactly what they did. Xx
Yes I agree, ive not heard anything from the hospital since they heard he passed away.
It was a lovely thing for them to do that for you.
It was very unexpected from the hospital but very welcomed…Doesn’t take much to show you care does it.?
Don’t know about your day but mine been extremely mixed. Horrid morning n couldn’t get out of bed till turned 10 then thought car needs washing and nipped to Aldi. Tears began cause I always got a bag full from Aldi to take to Johns house which he absolutely loved and loved emptying the bags…So walked out of there streaming n carried on till I got home…
Youngest son arrived with my granddaughter who is my pride n joy n she just said something n I thought I’ll text John with that n then I remembered I can’t, he’s gone…Bawled again…Large V n T with ice n slice at the side of me now at the same time we had one most evenings before dinner…sometimes more than one n no dinner…!!!
I went for breakfast with my friend, managed to get through it without crying until I got in the car.
Been on and off all day.
Enjoy your V and T, if you need a chat im here.
I just re read this wonderful post and I burst out crying again. You are so right - I would give everything to have her back - thank you for your kind words and support
@Stehud
Keep your chin up…your wife is watching and still loving you…
I’m doing the windows inside which I absolutely hate doing so keep stopping n messing around.
John used to say I was the best mess around person he’d ever known…
If the weather cheers up I’ll go n dig up the weeds which pop up within a nanosecond…
Hope you ok.